Welcome ye mighty kinsmen! While thy is surely an excellent swordsman, there are many a way to improve ones craft. Gather ’round fellow men whilst I enlighten thee on a handful of hacks that will surely upeth thy weapon game.
Ye hath been clutching thine sword ALL wrong
Thee valiant sword will never go out of style, but thy holding tactics are a mighty game-changer. Instead of simply clutching the grip, caress the pommel like it is a fair maiden’s bosom for optimal anchorage.
Sword sharpening: Just the tipeth
Many a fool believe a tremendous boulder is the finest way to sharpen thy fighting companion. Alas, these folk are two pence short of peasantry. Simply go down yonder to a riverbed and sharpen only thy sword’s tip amongst the small, smooth water stones.
DIY Extremity Removal
Got an infection that will costeth you a literal arm or a leg? Lop that bitcheth off DIY style with a battle-axe and a flanged mace. Simply have a fellow traveler place the ax 3 barleycorns above thy limb and chop down, then use thy flanged mace to finish thee job.
Flails aren’t JUST for bloody warfare
Have a spare flail lying yonder from thy last crusade? ‘Tis the perfect tool for threshing grain! Talketh about protection and practicality.
Maces are the new daggers
Daggers are SO last century. If thy wants to make a bold impression on thy brethren and enemies alike, catcheth up with thy times and spend thy shillings on a mace.
Cheateth thy sword from thee stone
Whom has thee time to spend extracting a mighty sword from the most stubborn of stones? There simply isn’t enough time on the sundial for such foolery. Shaketh the weapon loose with a luminous mixture of pig blood and duck urine, then hit thy edge of the weapon with a morning star and it should slide right out!
Fair steed warfare hack
Whilst riding thy mighty steed into battle, many a men-at-arms hath charge from straight-on for thy desired stabbing angle. What thy imbeciles have yet to comprehend is an attack from the side will catch thy opponent off guard and give thy access to stabeth the side of thine enemy’s exposed skin.
Teach thy left hand strength
With all the boasting castles in thy land built for right-handed folk to have the upper hand (puneth intended) ’tis of vital importance to practice with thy weak hand in case ye must ever siege a mighty fortress.
Well thy kinsmen, I doth sincerely pray these hacks for hacking have given thee some semblance of strength for thy future in both battle and village life.
Post Scriptum, watch out for the giant snails in this season of the year… ’tis their time to mate and aggression runs rampant.
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