A petition urging billionaire Amazon founder and soon-to-be space-faring trillionaire Jeff Bezos to buy and eat the Mona Lisa has received over 16,000 signatures.
“Nobody has eaten the mona lisa and we feel jeff bezos needs to take a stand and make this happen,” the joke petition that went up a year ago on Change.org and gained hundreds of signers Thursday reads.
“gobble da lisa,” one signer wrote while another joked, “I feel like this is something society needs… Jeff, we need you to make this sacrifice for society.”
The Mona Lisa is owned by the French government and is on permanent display at the Louvre museum in Paris.
Bezos, who is one of the richest men in the world and became the first man to top $200 billion in net worth this year, seems to have no immediate plans to ingest art but is planning an 11-minute trip to space on his company Blue Origin’s first crewed flight scheduled for July 20.
It goes without saying that this is undoubtedly one of the most stupid, ridiculous, and absurd petitions ever formed — and there’s absolutely no way Jeffy B can pass on it.
Think about it, Jeffrey. The space race is done. Ya lost. While you and Musk were busy measuring dicks on Twitter, Branson came out of nowhere and put his dick in space first. The way I see it, you now have two options as an ambitious and pioneering billionaire. You can fight with Musk over Branson’s sloppy seconds. Or you can beat the other billionaires in a different kind of race — you can be the first to purchase and consume a beloved classical work of art.
Think about it. France has considered selling the Mona Lisa to help the country recover from the pandemic. And the art community recently valued it at $450 million. That’s chump change for a guy like you, Jeffrey.
But why eat it? Well, sir, not only would you become the first to consume the most recognizable work of art in human history — you would become the
only one to do so. What is Branson gonna do? Sift through your shit, piece it back together, and eat it after you? Ha! He could be so lucky. No, no. The Mona Lisa is yours, Jeffrey. All yours. Space was yours. Space was yours and they took it from you, Jeffrey. Don’t let them take the Mona Lisa too. You have to eat the Mona Lisa, Jeffrey. It’s the only way.
Look at that smug face, Jeffrey. She doesn’t think you can do it. She doesn’t think you have the BALLS to eat her, Jeffrey. She’s laughing at you behind your back. Don’t you see? She says you’re too poor. Too poor and too bald, Jeffrey. You can’t let her get away with this. Oh dear Jeffrey, you simply cannot.
Buy and eat the Mona Lisa, Jeffrey Bezos. It’s the only way to regain the respect of your billionaire peers. But do it fast — I hear Elon Musk is planning to eat the penis of Michelangelo’s David.
Come on, Jeff, get ’em!
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