There’s many occasion in which you may be called upon to give a toast. Weddings, celebrations, birthdays, random strangers buying you shots. There are some people who can give an excellent speech of the top of their heads, and they can make it funny and passionate and heartfelt.I’m not one of those people. Which is why I usually keep a few memorized just in case I’m called up to the plate.
Check out these toasts, and keep a few in your back pocket!
Take everything in moderation — including moderation.
Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. So let’s get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life.
Here’s to the women who love me terribly. May they soon improve.
The liver is evil and must be punished.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So let’s all get drunk and go to heaven.
Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
May we be who our dogs think we are.
Here’s to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking.
To nipples! Without them boobs wouldn’t have a point!
Here’s to lobster tail and beer. Three of my favorite things.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra
I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know.
May we get what we want,
May we get what we need,
But may we never get what we deserve!
If the ocean was beer and I was a duck,
I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up.
But the ocean’s not beer and I’m not a duck,
so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.
Here’s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!
Here’s to you and here’s to me,
Friends may we always be!
But, if by chance we disagree,
Up yours! Here’s to me!
Here’s to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell.
To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there.
Here’s to rattlesnakes and condoms,
Two things I never fuck with!
If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!
To my schizophrenic friend. He’s good people.
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