Not that being a criminal is a good career choice to begin with, but it does take a particular kind of temperament and intelligence to get away with it. These guys don’t have any of that. In fact, they’re idiots.
Frankly, how stupid they were in the process of committing a crime, and how easily they were caught, should be considered in their sentence.
“Is too stupid to punish” a thing? It should be.
Blake Leak is caught, caught. Police were called to a mini-mart in Ossining, NY, where Leak was trying to break in. He made a break for it, and the cops chased him, but happened to stumble and fell behind. Leak took the opportunity to jump a nearby fence and take shelter in a nearby building.
It was the Sing Sing Maximum Security prison, and he was promptly nabbed by a guard.
Got yer number, Aron Morrison. This Scottish man successfully shoplifted a bottle of vodka from a liquor store and got away. But it didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to find him, because the police found his quite easily.
He had tried to pick up the clerk and left his name and number with her, prior to lifting the bottle and booking it.
Getting high off of you ash. A trio of thieves broke into a home in Silver Springs, Florida and thought they got away with 3 jars of cocaine. They took them home and snorted the contents.
It turned out that they had snorted the remains of the homeowner’s husband and her two dogs.
Take your kid to work day There was once a crook who took his young son along with him on a job to rob a pet store. He got away, but was caught soon after because he left his son behind, and the kiddo knew where his dad lived.
Cops never take coffee breaks As two men waited in line at a coffee shop, a third man cut in line, ordered a coffee, threw the hot drink at the barista and demanded all the money from the till.
The two men behind him were cops and promptly arrested him. What he didn’t realize, was that they were in full uniform; hats, gunbelts and all.
His pants gave him away After an attempted robber at a Lowes, Milton J. Hodges fled across the street and jumped a fence. He ended up at the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort & Spa.
As the only one still wearing pants, he was quickly apprehended.
Graham Price’s IOU Graham Price was a long-time manager at a South Wales bank until he walked out with seven million pounds.
He was caught because he left a note saying, “I, Graham Price, borrowed £7 million from the Bank.”
Snitches get stitches A good Samaritan once saw an elderly man getting robbed, so he jumped in and punched the thief. The thief then called police to report an assault.
Thankfully, the thief got arrested.
Follow the trail of candy Stephan Crane broke into Montana’s Ravelli Republic newsroom, to watch porn, check his facebook and douse the place with a fire extinguisher. He then took some M&M’s and left.
Police were able to find him by a) seeing that he neglected to logout of Facebook and b) following the trail of candy to his sister’s house across the street.
Picked the wrong day to shop. Two men decided to shoplift at an office supply store during the back to school rush. Figuring the staff would be too busy to notice, they started to steal shit.
What they didn’t notice was that it was the annual ‘Shop with a Cop’ day – where 60 officers come to help kids pick out their school supplies.
Check your returned merchandise for your stuff At a Target store in Augusta, Georgia agreed to take back a printer from a customer who said it wasn’t printing cleanly enough. Then the clerk noticed that the customer forgot to remove some counterfeit bills from his printer.
The returner got arrested.
Every bar has a theme night. Two machete-wielding men barged into a Sydney, Australia bar demanding money. They didn’t see the line-up of Harley’s outside, nor noticed that it was the night of an annual biker’s meeting.
One of the robber’s ended up beaten to shit, and was hospitalized. The second was just smacked around and hog-tied with electrical wire.
The Simple Dollar
Bank with the best customer service Joseph Goetz had the worst attempt to rob a bank. In York, Pennsylvania, he approached a teller to demand money, and she fainted. The next two he approached had no more cash in their drawers.
He ended up writing a strongly-worded letter to the bank, and got himself nicked that way.
Idiots shouldn’t have computer privileges A German bank robber started sending taunting messages to the police, making fun of their attempts to catch him. He pretty much told them that they had his age, build and accent wrong, and revealed the true pieces of info.
The cops got the last word, when they traced his personal email; the one he was using to taunt them.
Tattoos are for life The police in Pico Rivera, Cali. had an easy time pinning a 4-year old murder on Anthony Garcia. He was getting a mugshot done for a petty crime, when the officers noticed an intricate tattoo on his chest.
Garcia was so proud of his murder, that he had the whole thing imprinted on him; the liquor store, the dead body, the broken streetlights and the image of a helicopter (his street name was Chopper), machine gunning the victim. He even had the victim’s face accurately represented.
It was almost a clean getaway After a man kicked in the front door of a Texas home at 3am, the homeowner fled. Calling the cops from a pay phone, they arrived at the home to find the home intruder still there.
He hadn’t stolen a thing, or committed any other crime. He was just enjoying a bath.
Lincoln’s right on the money James Rhyne was charged with forgery after he tried to hand a waitress a $100 bill, with Lincoln on it. We all know that it should be Franklin’s face all over it, but instead he cleaned off the $5 on the edges and replaced it with a shoddy $100.
The cops didn’t appreciate his photoshop skills.
Put the phone on silent As the police were questioning a 12-year-old boy about a missing iPhone, it rang in his closet. When the police opened it, they found a series of missing phones and proceeded to call all the numbers and watched them ring right in front of them.
The kid denied stealing them, claiming they were all his.
Parlez vous French? When Officer Meharu arrived at a scene of a burglary, he found the victim’s jewelry missing, the electronics gone and a window smashed. As he went to approach the victim, her French speaking father called.
In French, she told her dad it was all an insurance scam. What she didn’t know was that the South-Asian officer was fluent in 6 languages, including French.
Someone should really check that id An Iowa City man had his wallet and drivers license stolen while out. A few months later, he was bouncing at a bar and the thief happened to show up, brandishing the license as his very own id.
I sincerely hope that no police were called and this dude was sufficiently and aggressively bounced to the curb.