I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I used to bus tables at a country club. And while I worked there for just under a year, I must have literally worked at a couple dozen weddings. I… I can’t forget what I saw, as much as I’d like to, so I figured that I wasn’t the only one out there with crazy as hell wedding stories.
Which is where you guys come in. On our
Instagram page, we asked “What’s the wildest thing you’ve witnessed at a wedding?,” and dear lord y’all had some fucking answers to that question. I’m not going to lie, I had a really good time putting this together, it brought back a lot of memories, some good, some bad, but all undeniably bonkers.
In Rhode Island. A brides ex husband paid for a custom banner, air space and a pilot to fly a banner over the entire scheduled wedding. The banner read “Once A Cheater Always A Cheater”
Hands down epic!
Of course, I was the idiot from Colorado… asking people what the purpose of the banner was.
I’m not dating that brides friend anymore.
Went as a date with a friend. Grooms brother was in charge of the slideshow. Hooked up his laptop, someone else presses play as he fiddled with the sound. Needless to say, the wrong file was open as grotesquely hairy dick pics broadcast to all 150+ guests. I’m the only one who laughed 🤷🏼♀️
Watching the bride do tequila shots then spit-shoot the lime across the bar into the trash basket. By the end of evening she laying on the dirty bathroom floor in her beautiful dress puking into the toilet. She was lovely 😬
At my own wedding we had live goldfish in the centerpieces. After a few hours of drinking member of my family decided it would be a good idea to eat those goldfish live. Quite a few goldfish were swallowed whole that night. Only 4 or so saw the light of day when my cousin puked them back up.
Groom Spartan kicked the wife into the wedding cake
Hosted the reception at my house: bride and groom took turns riding a 50cc dirt bike through said house, jumped it off of the back porch and over the bonfire in the back yard.
Drunk guy flipped the cake off the table then belly flopped onto it and barked like a seal repeatedly until the grooms men beat him half to death then dragged him out side and left him in a snow bank on the edge of the road. (Groom was an MMA fighter and so were all his groomsmen) The best part is the guy wasnt even a guest he just showed up hammered and fucked up the cake. Best wedding I have ever been to
The photographer had sex with a guest, peed on a tree, and while being arrested, threatened to kill the officer’s families. (This was at my brother’s wedding and can be easily found with a quick google search—was even featured on insider edition 😬😬😑 yikessss 😂😂)
My buddy tried to fight one of the brides cousin and then in the chaos that ensued threw up on the bride. Another buddy and I dragged him to the street, him legitimately throwing hands at us. We fought him for 10 minutes before the cab showed up and we tossed him in it.
My cousins stole a golf cart at my wedding in Santa Barbara, CA and then drove it on the 101 freeway back to the hotel. It was around 10 miles, took them about an hour, and it was completely dark out. They also thought it would be a good idea to park it in the handicap spot and leave their personalized mugs in the golf cart. They might have had too much to drink at the open bar.
Best man pocketing money from that ‘pay to dance w/ bride and groom’ thing. Maid of honor catching him and punching the dude in the face. They always say you lose a friend the day you get married yah know.
My 83yr old grandmother drinking the groom’s uncle, maybe in his 40s, under the table, jager, her favorite, and watching him pass out before the vows.
Bride was pregnant and groom passed out drunk less than hour into reception
My fraternity brothers wedding. We had a degenerate brother who was in attendance. His gf catches the bouquet, at which point we ALL let him catch the garter. He proceeds to basically go down on her in the chair, right in front of the grooms grandmother. I thought she was going to pass out!
Literally both families got into probably the biggest rumble ive ever seen…. It all started because someone blew smoke in a babies face.
Two people thinking they’re going to last.
As an event DJ I’ve literally seen it all. First one to mind was a summer winery wedding a few years back- really beautiful setting. Just as the wedding is underway and as the typical silence settles the guests out of the corner of my eye I see the winery farm cat alert and start stalking
Then hunting- then sprinting towards the wedding party…
The cat LEAPS and NFL linebacker murders an unsuspecting bunny.
The impact and the bunnicular manslaughter all fully audible because of the silence as the cat lay proudly behind the officiant crunching on his kill.
Afterword: the officiant also then forgot to bring the couples vows to each other opening a blank folder- leaving 2 complete introverts to “wingit” (her actual words) in front of 150+ strangers and family. Goods news they still together cuz love and all that. CHEERS!
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