I cannot put into words the respect I have for firefighters. I’m from Michigan and I’m a big fan of movies, so when I stumbled across the documentary Burn (2012) about Detroit firefighters, it was a moment I never forgot (incidentally, if you’ve never seen Burn, it’s essential viewing, regardless of if you’re from Michigan or not).
But firefighters don’t just get called to fires. They called in for all sorts of dumb shit, and these stories… God these fucking stories. They might be among the dumbest things I’ve ever read in my entire life.
I was called to a home to get a pie out of the oven before it caught fire. The lady went to the store and was delayed for some reason. she called 911 to have the fire department take the pie out of the oven and place it on the stove. The call came in as ” Something stuck in over and unable to turn off stove”. Still #1 call in 32 years 🙂
A motorist had a bad alternator and the car died while she/he was driving. The electric lock control stopped working. We were dispatched for a person trapped in a motor vehicle. On arrival, the advice was given to manually lift the lock knob.
You can easily tell the ones who will not survive the first 24 hours of the zombie apocalypse.
Dumbass tried to cross a raging river in zero degree weather about a 300 foot span on a snowmobile. He lived but didn’t make the crossing and the machine was recovered days later.
Former firefighter/EMT. Easily the dumbest person I encountered was a mother of 4 who decided it would be an awesome idea to get a Facebook/Instagram worthy picture of her kids (all under age 10) sitting in a rowboat.
Mother untied it from the dock and thought she’d just pull them back with the rope… That she forgot to hold on to.
They floated a half mile down the river before the two oldest boys managed to grab a branch hanging over the bank.
It was really surreal to see 4 young kids, all in matching clothing, sitting in a boat waiting to be rescued. I have no clue what happened after, but they were physically fine, just scared, a little tired but the mom was in full blown panic mode and kept getting in our way. I hope she’s making better choices now.
Firefighter/Paramedic in suburb of Phx. Had to transport a guy to the ER because he was constipated. His wife tried to dig it out with a wooden spoon. Spoon got stuck and hurt to move it.
Walked in and there’s a 250 lb man, butt naked, lying on his side with a huge wooden spoon stuck halfway up his butt.
Me and my dad are both firefighters and he said one time they went to a house because an elderly man could not get out of the leather recliner because he had been sitting in it for a week straight and his wife would just serve him drinks/ food and the guy never got up. He would just get drunk and urinate/defecate himself until he was physically stuck to the chair and they had to cut him out.
Dude picked up a metal ring from a hardware store in lieu of paying for an actual cock ring.
It got stuck. He went to the hospital. The hospital called the fire department because a dremel tool turned out to be the right tool for the job.
I remember asking a firefighter about this once, and he said a guy who was fucking a woman. Her husband came home, so he jumped out the second story window buck naked and impaled himself through the upper leg on a fence paling. It was one of those fleur de lis ones, so it fucked up his leg pretty badly. They had to cut the paling out of the fence and load him into an ambulance.
Not a firefighter, this happened to my son when he was 6. He was at a Cub Scout meeting which was next door to the fire station. The firefighters had these racks where they’d lay their hoses out to dry (I think?). The little scouts were climbing on those racks one day and my son’s chubby leg slipped between the bars and got stuck. The firefighters had to come use the Jaws of Life on their own damn racks to free my kid.
Two bikini clad girls had to be rescued from a swift moving river in a canoe. Neither girl brought a life vest or a PADDLE
Former Fire and Rescue Firefighter here –
Have helped release several dogs and children stuck in the mechanism part of a recliner chair. Also a bird stuck in a tree, go figure.
Obligatory “not a fireman” but they were most definitely involved. I used to work in a NYC public grammar school over the summers to pay for college back in the 90’s. One of the full time employees was a nice guy but stupid. And I don’t mean he was slow or anything, he just did dumb shit because he was careless. One time he loaded up a trailer with like 25 gallons of gas and was driving it back through the main school parking lot.
He didn’t realize that container cracked open and spilled all 25 gallons in the parking lot. He didn’t want to get in trouble so he thought the best way to get rid of the evidence was TO SET THE GAS ON FIRE. He didn’t realize that burning gas gives off a LOT of black smoke and a gigantic cloud of black smoke coming from a school generally attracts a lot of attention from first responders.
Panicking, he tries to put the flaming lake of gas out by DRIVING OVER IT WITH HIS CAR. The fire department gets there, screaming at him to stop driving his car through flaming gasoline. They finally get the fire out and just… screamed at this guy for like 25 minutes. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
Years ago we had this call straight out of Caddy Shack. Some guy had gotten tired of this gopher ruining his yard. Little did he know though he was facing the Sun Tzu of gophers. The homeowner, dwelling upon his experience from Vietnam, decided that the best way to deal with the gopher was to treat the situation like a VC tunnel, in lieu of a frag grenade he poured a five gallon can of gasoline down the gopher hole, waited with a varmint gun, and lit it off.
The ensuing explosion caused a small crater to form in his yard. I am still thoroughly impressed that there was a proper fuel to air ratio in the network of tunnels that allowed for such an explosion to happen. However the gopher refused to surrender without a fight.
The gopher ran out of the hole engulfed in flames, causing the guy’s yard to catch on fire. The gopher sprinted into the guy’s shed still on fire and burrowed into a void space in the wall, where he died. Like the martyr perk from Modern Warfare his still flaming remains set the inside of the wall on fire as well as several flammables.
In the end the guy’s backyard was ruined and about a quarter of his shed burned down taking out a bunch of power tools and a zero turn mower. He definitely would have saved a few thousand dollars if he had hired an exterminator.
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