When i was a kid my dad shaved his head. in one evening my parents had friends over and i overheard my mom saying something along the lines “my husband looks awful with his shaved head, i have no idea how i am going to sleep with him anymore”. i thought she meant actual sleeping since i was not yet aware of the other meaning, so i just said “you turn off the lights, that should do it”. all the adults burst out laughing.
“Ew now I got girl cooties on my balls!” A 5 year old said it because his sister had touched his bouncy balls.
Doing a scavenger hunt. Teams were made and given different color bandanas. As one of the oldest participating(about 16), I was paired with the youngest ones (4 and 5). Other teams started getting in the spirit. “Yeah, yellow team!” “Go purple, purple is the best!” “Woo! Blue power!”
And of course, my teammates hear the last one.
“White power! Yay! White power!”
Went with my friend to pick up her 7 year old from her after school program. We walk into her class, she sees me and runs up and gives me a great big bear hug, then loudly asks, “why do you smell like dicks?!?”
Like an idiot, I ask her what she just said, so she repeats it again. Suddenly it clicked, and I’m like, “ooooh… you mean Dick’s, the store!” Turns out, I was wearing a new coat and this was the way she apparently chose to inform me it still had that dept store smell.
Not my story but I read it on a similar thread. A guy takes his 5 year old daughter to a pro baseball game and during the game he needs to use the bathroom so he brings her to the men’s room with him and goes into a stall. Now the stall had one of those toilet paper dispensers that holds two rolls and when one runs out you have to reach under and slide a little door over to the other roll.
So the guy reaches under the dispenser and while he’s doing that his daughter say loudly, “no daddy, don’t put your fingers in there.” He said the whole bathroom went silent.
When I was a little kid, in the middle of church, I was drawing a car. I was probably 6 and my older sister loved the movie “Grease” with John Travolta, and I apparently was there when she was singing along to Grease Lightenin! So, while drawing a car, in the middle of church, I asked my mom how to spell “Pussy Wagon” pretty loud so I can label my car. The families sitting around us have teased me for it the rest of my life.
My year old niece was playing with a doll in a small children’s pool. The body of the doll filled with water. She squeezed the doll and water squirted out of her legs. She looked surprised and said “She’s a squirter!” Wanted to know why everyone was laughing.
On a cold winter day before a baptismal service, the priest heated the water before pouring it into the font (so that cold water wouldn’t make the baby cry during the anointing).
When a child standing nearby waiting for the ceremony to begin saw steam rising up from the font, he said, quite seriously: “Mom – is he going to boil the baby?”
We took my son to one of those big play places. My wife sat next to a little girl and her mother, the little girl looks sad and looks at my wife and says, Daddy left us and started bawling. My wife was shocked and said she was so sorry!!! The little girls mom looked horrified and said, he just went to the bathroom!! The dad showed up like a minute later.
My step son said his grandfather “worked at the fucking police department ” it wasn’t until he was in tears that we figured out he was saying the Falcon Police station.
Just yesterday, one of the six grade students at my school needed to grind up a few of those styrofoam craft balls that kids use to make models of the solar system. She asked the teacher if she could bring in a cheese grater so that she could shave her balls. She kept a straight face and didn’t realize what was so funny.
I got threatened multiple times because of my niece couldn’t say “kitties” and I would I ask what she likes at random moments. The toddler would loudly announce “I love titties!!”
My son pointed to a horse when he was little and loudly said. “A whore”
Kid was maybe 9 years old and proudly exclaimed, “when we visit grandpa, he always takes us to pound town!”
I guess in the UK there’s a chain of dollar stores…called pound town.
There’s a chain of stores called ‘Poundland’ and I guess the kid got confused.
I’m talking to my Grandmother, my daughter is with me.
a cat walks between Grammy’s feet.
“Grammy’s got a pussy between her legs.”
I was at a local puppet theater with my family and another family with kids was there. They bought a Triceratops puppet for their son and he exclaimed “I’m gonna name him Horny!” The puppeteer who ran the theater happened to be walking by and, with a big smile, said “I heard that!”
When my son was little and learning to talk, he loved dumptrucks, which he called, “dumfuks”. While walking out of a grocery store, a guy was climbing out of a dumptruck and walking towards the store and towards us.
My son sees the dumptruck and points past the guy yelling, “dumfuk! Dumfuk!” From this guys perspective, some little kid was calling him a dumb fuck. He passed by us in disbelief.
Daughter and I at the mall. She was 5
Me:”What do you want to be for halloween sweetie?”
Her (yelling loudly): “anus, anus, anus!”
After some questioning it turns out it was Agnes from Despicable Me.
I was picking up my 4-year-old out of the car and he swung his foot at just the wrong moment, hitting me right in the nads. I groaned and doubled over. He asked what was wrong, and I said “your foot hit Daddy in a very painful place.” He said “I kiss it and make it better?”
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