Furloughed lover never wants sex and taunts me about his past lovers

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM 40 years old and have been married for the past two years to a man who’s 44.

He was funny and loving at first and we were really happy.

Since being furloughed he never wants to have sex and likes to put me down

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But everything has changed since the pandemic began.

My husband got furloughed, then lost his job in the first lockdown.

We’ve not had sex even once since then.

I understand his confidence is shot but what’s worse is that he now taunts me with stories – often very graphic – of his past sexual experiences.

He compares me unfavourably to all his ex-girlfriends and even to one-night stands he’s had.

He tells me how great sex was with one particular ex, who left him, and how much more adventurous she was in bed than me.

He goes on about these women’s favourite positions, what they liked in bed and whether they talked dirty.

Obviously I’ve had a sex life in the past too but I would never go into vivid detail about it. It’s crude and cruel.

And I’m not sure I would remember every single detail like he claims to. He seems to get a kick out of humiliating me and seeing my discomfort.

I do love him but he is destroying my self-esteem.

Sometimes I think I would quite like him to leave.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband’s behaviour is hurtful and insulting.

You cannot let this continue.

You need to pick a moment to explain the effect his behaviour is having on you and that it must stop.

Tell him that although you do love him, you think about asking him to leave.

That might give him the jolt he needs to understand that you are serious.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk to him.

My pack on Saving Your Sex Life could also be helpful.

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