GARY Speed’s heartbroken widow has spoken about the footballer’s suicide for the first time.
Louise Speed has revealed the former Leeds player struggled with mental health problems since his teens.
Gary – who committed suicide in November 2011 at the age of 42 – wrote to Louise when he was 17 telling her he was “so depressed”.
The mum-of-two came across the letter when she was helping journalist friend John Richardson write new book about the footballing legend, The Daily Mirror reports.
She said: “Seeing that was a lightbulb moment for me. It answers an awful lot about why he did what he did. It’s not something a normal 17-year-old would write, is it? Or not a well one. It seems to say it all really, when you consider how he ended his life.
“It’s something I will find hard to forgive Gary for. We were the ones who had to pick up the pieces and what he’d done was grotesque.”
The heartbreaking letter Gary sent to Louise aged just 17
I don’t really know what to say. I have been thinking about finishing at Leeds, I’ve also been thinking of other things which I won’t say. I’m so depressed. I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up. I love you so much, I will always love you. I don’t know what else to say except you might see me sooner than you think, or otherwise. You never leave my mind, nothing else seems to matter anymore, I love you more than you can imagine.
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Speed, who had been appointed Wales manager just a year earlier, did not leave a note when he killed himself at their mansion near Chester.
The couple were childhood sweethearts and had sons Ed and Thomas.
Louise added: “Everyone asks why he did it but I have no answers. That’s why I’ll never have any closure.”
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123, or visit Mind’s website.