I remember being the best man at my brother Ricky’s wedding and being not only so proud of him but also thinking I would do whatever I could to be there for him to make his wedding memorable for all the right reasons. That’s what families are for, and we should always have each other’s back. But life is complicated and after reading this story from a woman who realized she would have to attend her younger sister’s wedding, who was betrothed to her former lover, I had to reconsider my prior sentiment.
The incredible details of the woman’s story are so troubling that after reading I’m actually of the mind that the older sister needs to pull the rip chord on this situation and distance herself from a heart-wrenching conundrum. But listen to her predicament and decide for yourself if you think the woman is in the right for considering to opt out of attending her own sister’s wedding.
This needs a bit of a backstory so bear with me a little. Three years ago, I was in grad school and I was working as a tutor for undergrad students, that’s how I met Joe, who was 5 years younger than me. We had a whirlwind romance until I told my mother, expecting her to be happy for me because it was my first relationship where I felt more than just fondness towards my partner. However, my parents are a little on the conservative side and as soon as my mom learned about the age difference and his various tattoos, she was livid.
My parents gave me an ultimatum: either leave Joe or they would kick me out and stop paying for my education. I nearly chose the latter until Joe told me that my education was more important. He said we could always get together after I’d had my degree and despite hating it, I agreed with him. We broke up but kept in touch over the next year. He graduated and moved to a city a few hours away where my sister Allie was at school. I got my degree and moved to a city nearby, earning my first taste of freedom.
Almost two years after our breakup, my sister Allie told me she’d been seeing someone for seven months and sent me a picture of her with him. It was Joe. I could not believe my eyes. I texted him, asking if it were true and got no reply. I called my mother, who told me that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’re letting Allie have her “rebellious phase,” which is something I was never allowed to have but I digress. I threw myself into work, managing to avoid my family during every holiday and thinking maybe this would help me forget. I found out they got engaged through our mother and later received a wedding invitation, I RSVP’d yes.
Now, the wedding is less than a month away and I am clearly not over him. I tear up at the thought of watching him say “I do” to my younger sister. I don’t think I can attend their wedding and I’m thinking about using work as an excuse again. My best friend says I’m being an asshole and I have to grin and bear it while other friends are saying that I should prioritize my health. I’m not sure what the right answer is and I thought I ought to ask an unbiased audience.
UPDATE: I called Allie earlier and to say I’m an idiot is an understatement. She knew who Joe was before they’d even been formally introduced. Our mom told her about him when we were still dating. She said that she never brought it up because it never seemed important to her and that since he “chose” her, there was nothing to talk about.
She still expects me to attend her wedding because we’re family. I know this is terrible but I didn’t tell her I’m not over him. I suspect she would just laugh.
The woman ended her plea for some unbiased outside advice on a somber note.
Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who responded. I’m going to stop replying now and cry into a tub of ice cream until I feel better.
So I put it to you guys, given the nature of this girl’s situation do you think she needs to bite her lip and soldier on to the wedding, or is she justified in flying the coop and opting out?
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