If there is any question as to whether the golden age of boxing is truly over, did you know Floyd Mayweather, considered by
many to be the greatest pound for pound fighter of all time, fought last weekend? Yeah, me either. Boxing has become all about the purse with purists peppered few and far between. The sport that once dominated Pay-Per-View numbers, now has trouble even securing TV deals. Whether it’s the rise of MMA or the lack of any noteworthy heavyweights, professional boxing may be down for the count.
College Football, another longtime titan of American sports, has also seen its returns dwindle. From conference realignment to new transfer rules and honestly, too damn many teams and not enough teams worth a damn, College football seems to have lost much of its luster. New rules toning down the contact and the death of the true quarterback also have College football looking to audible and restore its luster.
“Couch co-op” refers to sitting on the sofa with someone else while you game together. The golden age of couch co-op didn’t get any better than beating the shit out of your little brother in Mario Kart. From shortcuts to turtle shells, the name of the game was playing dirty. You also had awesome sports offerings like Tecmo Bowl and, of course, the mother of all shooters, GoldenEye. The rise of
Al Gore’s internet ushered in a new era of multi-player, engaging combatants over the web to a serenade of mom jokes from pre-pubescent keyboard commandos. The Nintendo Switch has valiantly tried to resuscitate the bygone era, but I’m afraid the golden age of couch co-op is counting down under bevy of teabags.
First of all, theChive would never condone illegal activities, but let’s be honest, Napster was the shit. You could save your allowance for Flaming Hot Cheetos and Mt. Dew instead of blowing it on CDs with bloated price tags. I don’t know if kids still pirate music, because I’m an adult now, I just use the Spotify. The death of CD-R’s and the rise of aggressive and invasive new anti-piracy programs seems to have ushered in an era of maritime peace among cyber pirates.
Welp, I know I’m gonna catch some shit for this one… Let’s be honest though, between fake news and the half-assed pivot to video, journalism is a lost art. Maybe it’s people sick of being inundated by tragedies and travesties, instead looking to the light-hearted fun of memes, that dug the grave for real journalists. It could definitely be our ever shortening attention spans. You know what, E! TV, I blame you and the Kardashians.
I guess this one is up for some debate, but with the majority of movies being sequels, re-makes or one-offs, it’s hard to argue that original cinema isn’t dying. Netflix will pay anyone for their
vertical camera video and Disney is doing what Disney does… Meanwhile “indie” flicks are like art gallery noir that are completely intellectually inaccessible to the majority of us–those films that even have a legitimate premise that is. I miss the days where movies didn’t have to come with some deeper significance.
Bangkok alleys illuminated in the midnight rain aside, neon signs are too few and far between. There’s nothing like that sweet hum as you sip your coffee in a diner at
way too late o’clock. There is something chic and sophisticated about the beaming illumination these old-school bulbs give off. Then, of course, you have the unfortunate breaks and burnouts that change titles into risque quotes for the devil’s internet known as Instagram. Bring back the neon signs!
It’s a good thing these bricks last forever, because they may never mass produce them again. Gone are the days where your smartphone also had a “hammer” app. You could literally drive a nail with these fuckers. No no, NOKIA! When we’re all gone and only roaches inhabit the Earth, they’ll communicate on your middle school bedazzled Nokia.
Wooooooooooo! Oh yeeah, can you dig it? Whether you loved it or hated it, there is no denying that professional wrestling was coming over the top rope at you. It was an unavoidable phenomenon. Even those who didn’t actually watch had their own favorites (mine were Sting and Ultimate Warrior). Top rope body slams and diamond cutters and those infamous slaps. Then the UFC went primo and the WWF crowd grew up and wanted to see people get their asses kicked for real. Now we may actually be coming full circle as UFC fighters are leaving left and right for mock fights. Stay tuned!
Music is one of those things where everyone has their favorite generation and genre. There is, however, no avoiding or denying that Rock and Roll is dead, man. Electronic beats and festival friendly head-banging are all the rage now. Don’t want to listen to mumble rap and ukelele music? I’m sure there is a nice indie rock cover of your favorite Sabbath song. Can you even believe the 80’s are considered oldies now?!
Shopping Malls often weren’t for shopping at all. Parents dumped their kids off like it was a daycare. Teenagers used it as the perfect pick-up spot. That’s where we went to the movies and where we got our “nutrition.” Mall pizza was the best. Fight me. Then along came Amazon and not since the Louisianna purchase has progress been more apparent. Now we do all our shopping online. We meet our husbands on wives on dating apps. Where the hell do teenagers meet now? Think about the kids! Bring back the mall!
The Japanese just put a probe down on the dark side of the moon! This is big, badass news. Unfortunately, for reasons I can’t even fathom, no one seems to give a shit. We’ve got missions going further and faster than ever before and they’re getting less publicity than author bylines. There is hope here though and it comes from the private sector. To infinity and beyond!
Yeah, I just went serious on you. The middle-class working man is dead! The tech boom went ka-bang and made more people millionaires overnight than Las Vegas… It seems like you’re either dirt poor or loaded to the gills. Listen, I’m a blogger on a humor website, I’m not gonna embarrass myself by trying to write something witty. It is what it is.
Cell phones have ruined toilet evolution. We are living in 2019 and shitting on the same can our grandfathers did. What gives? The French came out with the butt-washing bidet, and meanwhile, in America, we’ve got snakes crawling up our thrones! The golden age of toilets might not be dead, because it may have never happened. The best thing we’ve had in bathroom progression in the past 20 years is the squatty potty. Don’t get me wrong, I love my squatty, but come on, people!
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