Hotel sex with ex has left me in a spin… and now he wants more

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with my ex at a hotel for old times’ sake and now he wants a repeat performance.

We split five years ago, mainly due to him being insanely jealous.

My ex and I gave into temptation and it was a bad idea
Getty – Contributor

My family hated him because he turned controlling at the slightest thing.

He tried to stop me seeing my relatives.

I’m with a new guy who is away in the Middle East most of the time.

He’s 38 and I’m 25. He works in his family firm so I see him when he’s here on business every few months.

He’s a lovely man and I may marry him one day.

But then my ex walked into the shop where I work. I was shocked to see him.

We got so carried away and now he wants to hook up regularly
Getty – Contributor

He just said, “Hi,” and paid for his stuff but then he sent me a direct message on Twitter.

He said he’d missed me and asked whether we could meet.

He’s 26 and I knew he had a new girlfriend.

I didn’t think it was more than a friend meeting a friend but then he said: “You must book a room so that we can be totally alone.”

I booked a hotel we had used years ago. He ordered some wine for our room and told me he had suffered since our split — and said our relationship had a huge impact on his life.

What did we do? Now everything is so complicated
Getty – Contributor

He said he wants me still but loves his girlfriend too.

I lay down on the bed, as I suddenly didn’t feel well.

He lay next to me and held me close. He cuddled me for about an hour and then kissed me all over.

He hadn’t forgotten what I loved and knew every inch of my body. We had sex and it was amazing.

I dozed off later and he continued to gently kiss my arms, neck and back.

He said he had been dreaming of meeting me again for three years.

He said I made him feel happy, that he fantasises about me because he can’t touch his girlfriend as she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.

Then he asked if we could meet to do it again but I said that should be the last time.

He blocked me on social media for a while but has now been texting and asking to meet.

He’s obviously having a weak moment. Should I agree to see him?

DEIDRE SAYS: No. You both have partners and he is clearly using you for sexual relief because his partner will not have sex.

Remember the jealousy and why your family disliked him.

Do you think he’s changed? I doubt it.


AT least 85,000 women are raped in England and Wales each year – usually by someone they know. It is about the abuse of power, not lust, and can scar victims emotionally for years, if not life. For my e-leaflet Have You Been Raped? explaining available support

Email or private message me on my Facebook page for a copy.

Your real problem is that your present relationship sounds less than great.

It’s long- distance and seems to lack direction. Perhaps neither guy is right for you.

Tell your ex you’re not going to be his booty call. You deserve better.

You can then find clarity in your life and decide if your current relationship can go the distance or you are better with someone nearer home.

My e-leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You will help you make good decisions next time around if things don’t work with your present partner.

READ NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I caught my girlfriend trying to hide in another guy’s flat

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