Relationships are all about showing a partner you care. And there’s no better way to show it than by putting their privates into your mouth. That goes for men, too. I’m no relationship expert, but if you’re unwilling to perform an act that’s all about your partner’s pleasure and not your own, then that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Consider oral sex a practice in selflessness. In putting their needs above your own. Also, oral is just awesome. Three Six Mafia put it best in their moving track, “ I’d Rather” — “I love having sex, but I’d rather get some head.” Of course, a woman sings the chorus right after them, because TSM knows everybody likes a little facetime.
But this guy’s wife has grown tired of giving him the Lewinsky. He responded by serving her an ultimatum: no oral, no weekly dinner at her parents’ house. Then he turned to subreddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) to see if the internet thinks he’s in the wrong. Let’s hear the story from his words.
“My wife recently decided she doesn’t want to give oral anymore. Her reason is that she doesn’t like it and so doesn’t think she should have to do it. Of course she’s right, no one can force her to give oral, and she’s entirely within her right to refuse oral to me.
That said, I’ve always hated having Friday night dinners with my in-laws. My in-laws are nasty judgemental people and for the last 10+ years I’ve spent almost every Friday night – when I should be relaxing from a long week’s work – with people that I honestly detest on some level. Why do I do this? Because it makes my wife happy and I want her to be happy.
So I told my wife that’s fine – she doesn’t have to, but that I’d also like to stop doing something which I hate – spending every friday with my in-laws.
She says I’m an asshole and that the situations are different. I disagree, we’re both stopping something we hate despite it making the other happy. I think we’re both within our right to do so and neither of us are assholes.
Am I the asshole?”
The responses were extremely torn.
“Not the asshole. I’m guessing he sees his in laws way more often than he ever received oral so he’s doing something he hates a lot more than she was.” — jahoefs
“You’re the asshole. She doesn’t have to give oral if she doesn’t like it. You don’t have to go to every dinner if you don’t like it. But doing it now cause she stopped blowing you is just petty and immature.” — OrangeDoormat
“You’re being petty with it. Had you refused going to dinners just because you don’t like them, it’s one thing. You’re just tacking something on because she’s refusing to do something. You’re the asshole.” — bossyjudge
“You’re the asshole. By doing it this way, you’re basically making it so that blowjobs are are a payment for having dinner with her parents. You not wanting to go to dinner should stand on it’s own merits.” — kaitraven
“After he described his in laws a fucking blow job should be a goddamn reward for suffering through that shit every week.” — facefulloffuzz
“Sexual favors you hate shouldn’t really be used as rewards. It’ll just end with her resenting him for feeling like she has to do it” — toomuchmeow
“Not the asshole. Relationships require compromise and, while I agree it’s petty to bring it up the way you did, gotta respect eachothers wishes and sometimes be uncomfortable for the other’s sake.” — Machigo5599
While I understand the opposition to him turning oral sex into a transactional thing, I can’t emphasize enough how awesome blowjobs are. And how annoying weekly dinners with in-laws would be. Regardless, I can’t make a call on this one because there is one extremely important question that no one in this thread is asking: Does he eat her out?
If he does go down on her and she doesn’t reciprocate, then that’s fucked up on her part. But if he doesn’t go down on her and he just expects a blowjob, then I side with the wife here.
And while some may say that my solution is still technically a transaction, I would argue that oral for oral is a
fair transaction. It keeps everything compartmentalized into the bedroom. Once you start lording the lack of BJs over your wife in other aspects of life, then you have extended the problem beyond sex. It is no longer just an oral problem. Now it’s an oral AND an in-law dinner problem.
So likeoralthrow. Make sure your shit is squeaky clean. Go down on her. Do it for a solid 10 minutes. But don’t request a BJ afterwards (women hate that). She should do it on her own. Do this on multiple, separate occasions. If she still doesn’t blow you, then after eating her out, ask her, “hey, can you do me now?” If she still refuses, then go for a transaction that’s more simultaneous: the 69 (I always dug 69ing, but I once dated a girl who preferred not to do it because she said it was for “high schoolers trying to finish quick before their parents got home.”)
If she’s still not going for it after the suggestion to 69, maybe smear whipped cream or chocolate on your nethers. Or have her sit on a vibrating dildo or a
while she blows you. If she still doesn’t blow you after all that, which I doubt would be the case, then maybe there’s a different act of selflessness she could perform for you, in the bedroom or otherwise. Because like I said, the selflessness is what makes oral an important factor in the health of a relationship. Much more so than the sensation itself.
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