I care for my husband after his operations but have sex with others because I miss feeling loved

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM feeling bad because I had sex with a guy who chatted me up at the charity shop where I work once a week.

I’m a pushover for any man showing me a bit of attention and expecting it to lead to sex.

Carer
I miss feeling loved while caring for sick husband
Getty – Contributor

I am 36 and my husband is 37. We have a boy of eight. I work and care for our son and my husband as well.

Three years ago he was diagnosed with back problems and, despite two operations, is more or less an invalid.

My life is pretty full but I so miss feeling loved. I also miss the sex that should go with it.

The first of the men I’ve cheated with was someone I was at school with, who I bumped into not long after I became my husband’s carer. He had grown into an attractive man.

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I had amazing sex with man I went to school with but feel guilty
Corbis – Getty

We chatted in the street but it started to rain and he suggested we talk over a coffee. He told me he was divorced and missed having a woman to be close to. He also said I am amazingly attractive and I just melted.

I had forgotten how much it meant to be appreciated.

We swapped mobile numbers and he suggested our next coffee and chat should be at his flat.

The day soon came round and the coffee turned into a glass of wine then wonderful sex.

This happened several times before I found out he had been seeing someone else — which I rumbled when I saw her jacket at his place. I told him what I thought of him and left.

I yearned for attention and it wasn’t long before I had another guy in my life and even better sex. He isn’t reliable so I find myself seeing other men too — like the one who came into the shop last week.

He asked me out for a drink and we ended up having sex at his place.

I feel bad about the sex but it is the closeness I miss.

I want to be a wife and a lover, not just a carer. I always regret it after I have cheated but it doesn’t stop me doing it.

I hate myself but I don’t have the courage to resist when ­someone is nice to me.

Topic of the day

THREE out of five couples are less than satisfied with their sexual relationship, and often it is just down to lazy habits.

My e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex is a simple guide to getting the basics right. Email ­problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband will be missing the closeness too.

If he’s not showing it, I’d guess that’s because he feels depressed and useless – especially if he suspects what you are getting up to.

But you can still kiss and cuddle and there is still lots you could enjoy together sexually.

A sex life does not have to involve energetic intercourse. There are all sorts of ways you can share sexual pleasure.

Talk to your husband. Tell him how much you care for him and explain how you miss the physical closeness you and he used to have.

You can find practical advice through the Outsiders sex and disability helpline on 07770 884 985, or email sexdis@Outsiders.org.uk.

If he shrugs you off, insist he sees his GP because he is probably suffering from depression.


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