A SCHOOL teacher has revealed she has both a boyfriend and a girlfriend – and they’re married to each other.
Despite being bisexual, Abbey Quincena, 26, had never considered polyamory until she met Patrick and Samela St Pierre at a yoga studio, in March last year.
Abbey Quincena, left, is in a throuple with married couple Patrick and Samela St. Pierre [/caption]
After a series of dates and a night of passion, Abbey agreed to become both Patrick, 31, and 28-year-old Samela’s girlfriend.
Abbey, from San Diego, California, said: “It was quite intimidating going into a relationship with two people who were married.
“I found it daunting, because Patrick and Sam have true love – their love is so deep and cosmic.
“At first, I struggled to fit in, because their marriage took precedence – but it’s been seven or eight months now and I’ve found my feet.
“There are so many different configurations to our relationship. There’s me and Patrick, who are boyfriend and girlfriend, me and Sam who are girlfriends and then Patrick and Sam, who are husband and wife.”
The group met in March last year and all moved in together in June[/caption]
While polyamory was a new phenomenon for Abbey, her married partners had been experimenting with open relationships for some time.
Painter Patrick and Samela, an art illustrator, were “instantly” attracted to each other when they met at University of Hartford, Connecticut, in 2009. They tied the knot in 2017.
“Samela and I have been together for 10 years, but for most of that time we’ve been in an open relationship,” Patrick said.
“From the beginning, we explored non-monogamy – although when we got engaged in 2015, we were monogamous for about 18 months.
“Sam’s had a girlfriend and I’ve had a boyfriend outside our marriage, but it’s not been calculated. We’ve both been happy about it and we’ve always been honest with each other.
“We love each other, but at the same time, we want to be satisfied sexually. It’s about new experiences and exploring our desires, too.
“We’ve tried polyamory, BDSM (bondage and sadomasochism), swinging and we’ve had a foursome with an older married couple.
“I was even the third-wheel for another couple for a while.”
They all sleep in the same bed with their Labrador – but go on solo dates too[/caption]
Patrick and Samela weren’t seeking a “third wheel” for their own relationship when they met Abbey, and say their feelings developed “organically”.
The throuple bonded over a love of Game of Thrones and art. Abbey says she fancied both of the couple, but the “sexual chemistry” was only mentioned at a ‘Beyonce Birthday Bash’ to celebrate her turning 25.
Abbey said: “Throughout the night I noticed Patrick had been flirting with me quite obviously.
“I wasn’t really sure what was happening – then, all of a sudden, Patrick pushed me up against the wall and kissed me passionately.
“I wanted to kiss him, but at the same time I knew he had a wife and I felt so guilty.
“I pushed him away and ran to Sam and said, ‘I’m so sorry, I don’t know what the heck is going on, but your husband just kissed me.’
“All she said back was, ‘How was it – was it good?’”
Samela says people wrongly assume Patrick orchestrated the whole thing[/caption]
Unknown to Abbey, Patrick and Samela had already discussed “spicing up their friendship” with her.
“We both found Abbey attractive and thought she was really cool,” Samela said.
“We hadn’t been looking for a third person, but it happened naturally, and our feelings developed organically.
“We’d spoken about whether or not we should ask her if she was interested in joining us – but we weren’t sure.
“Then, on her birthday, Patrick decided to just go in for the kiss and see what happened.”
It was quite intimidating going into a relationship with two people who were married. At first I struggled to find my feet
The couple explained they were in an open relationship and invited Abbey round for dinner the next day.
“Abbey came round, we cooked a huge feast and then later we went to the beach to watch the sunset,” Samela said.
“It was a beautiful sunset and there was a lot of tension in the air. Patrick and I still weren’t 100 per cent sure if Abbey just wanted a platonic friendship or if she’d be interested in more.
“We didn’t want it to be weird or to be intimidating, with the two of us coming on to her.
“But something about watching the sunset was so beautiful and we shared a kiss and asked Abbey if she would be interested in having more.”
The throuple are having a ‘commitment ceremony’ next month[/caption]
Abbey said “yes” and they returned home – where they had sex for the first time.
Patrick said: “We wanted to take things slow that night, so we gave her a bath, kissed her all over and made her feel comfortable.
“We lit candles to make it romantic and it was a loving experience. It wasn’t just about the sex it was much more than that.”
Abbey agreed to become an official throuple and they all moved in together in June.
“We spent all our time together anyway, so we thought, ‘Why not just have all our stuff in one place?’” Samela said.
“Now it’s the three of us and our black Labrador in our double bed every night, but we’re all quite small people, so it’s not too squished.
“It’s great to live together, so we can all just chill out at the house, but we love going out on dates, too.
“We do one on one dates, too, because it’s important to tend to the individual – but the real fun times are when we’re all together.”
Abbey was shocked when Patrick kissed her and thought he was cheating at first[/caption]
Samela said they do face judgement from strangers, who tend to assume Pat’s the one calling the shots.
“A lot of people get it wrong and think Pat’s the main man with a wife and a girlfriend, but that couldn’t be further from the truth,” she said.
“We’ve each got our individual relationships within the throuple. It’s not like Patrick’s the man in the middle – although people misconstrue it and say things like, ‘How did you pull that off?’ or ‘You’re the man.’
“They think he’s the mastermind behind it all, but actually I had the hots for Abbey before he did. He was actually trying to make it happen for us all – not just himself.”
The couple admit they can get jealous, but say communication is key.
Now it’s the three of us and our black Labrador in our double bed every night, but we’re all quite small people, so it’s not too squished
Samela St Pierre
“It’s about balance and if an element of jealousy does crop up, I take a step back and take a look at my insecurities, that have been bubbling away,” Patrick said.
“Communication is so important. If there’s something I don’t like I just have to communicate it and ask for it to be altered.
“There’s a word we use within the polyamorous community called compersion.
“It’s like watching someone eating an ice-cream and being happy for them that they’re enjoying it, rather than wanting to eat it yourself.”
Samela, meanwhile, says she feels sorry for narrow-minded people who can’t accept their lifestyle.
She said: “I think the only reason people react badly to our relationship is because it goes against their vision of normal.
“It’s much safer to be in an open and honest three-way relationship than to be someone who’s settled down for the sake of it, because they can end up chronically unhappy and getting a divorce.”
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The lovers are having a commitment ceremony on February 22.
Abbey said: “The love we share is rare. I know no matter what happens in the future they’ll be in my life forever. They’re my lovers and my best friends.
“They’ve bought me a crown to wear on the day of the ceremony and it’s symbolic because Sam and Patrick treat me like royalty.
“I truly believe having two people in your heart is better than one.”
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