DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having secret sex with my ex-boyfriend’s best mate and am scared of how my ex will react. I think he may go mad.
I was out with friends one night a couple of months ago when I bumped into my ex’s best friend from school.
I’ve been having secret sex with my ex’s best friend and it’s been great[/caption]
I’m 23, he is 26 and really fit. We have always flirted but nothing happened before because I was in a relationship.
We had a few drinks and danced together that night and at the end of the evening he asked if I wanted to go back to his flat.
I was hesitant but then thought, “Why not? I’m a free woman now.”
We had another couple of drinks while watching a movie. He leaned over to kiss me and I kissed him back. We ended up having sex on the sofa. It was awesome.
We’ve been seeing a lot of each other and I’ve enjoyed staying at his flat – it used to be easy keeping it a secret[/caption]
I have been staying at his flat regularly since but we’ve been keeping it a secret because of my ex, who is the jealous type.
We were together for two years but split six months ago after it came out that he’d been seeing another girl behind my back.
They got into a relationship and are still together now. She is a beautician and is always immaculate.
She’s 24 and my ex is 25. I was devastated at first but with the help of my family and friends I eventually moved on.
At first it was hard seeing my ex move on but now I just hope he can do the same for me[/caption]
It has been very difficult, because me and my ex are in the same friendship group and see one another on a regular basis.
I know he still tries to get a reaction out of me but I won’t rise to the bait.
I always act cool around him and make out that what he did doesn’t bother me and that what we had together is in the past — but it can be hard at times, especially when I see him and his girlfriend together.
I was feeling so much better since I got with his mate but he and I were messing about one evening taking selfies and he uploaded a photo to Facebook of us with his dog.
SOME of us fall for the wrong partners again and again.
Perhaps our upbringing hasn’t led us to believe we deserve a truly caring partner – or doesn’t let us recognise one.
My e-leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You can help you turn this pattern round.
The dog was looking really cute and it was about that really, not us, but he didn’t think it through.
My ex saw it straight away because he messaged his mate and had a go at him.
They haven’t seen as much of each other recently but my ex made it very clear he was furious a friend would do this to him.
I’m worried about this whole situation.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
DEIDRE SAYS: You two aren’t doing anything wrong. Your ex was the one who cheated.
Your mistake was being so anxious about his reaction that you kept your relationship secret.
Tell your ex as a couple that he is clearly happy in his new relationship so you hope he’ll wish you well in yours.
Steer clear of him for now but don’t sound apologetic because you have nothing to say sorry for.
You will want the support of family and friends, so tell them about it now too. They will all get used to it and, if they love you, they will want you to be happy and respect your choice.
Even if some don’t, it’s your life so live it.
READ NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE Ever since I was cheated on I’ve felt so paranoid and now it’s ruining my relationship
Get in touch with Deidre today