I was stationed in Germany a while back and discovered that German queen beds are just two twin mattresses on a queen frame. I’d picked up this German girl at a local bar. She was in the bathroom freshening up, I’m naked in her bed. I try to slip out a fart and ended up leaving a turd between the mattresses. I was gone by the time she came out of the bathroom. Never went to that bar again.
I was going down on my girlfriend one time and she orgasmed so hard that her thighs squeezed my head as her hips jerked hard. She nearly broke my nose, there was blood everywhere. Luckily, we had some towels close by.
Definitely the first time I queefed with my now-husband. Turns out, when you bend over and relax right before he goes in, air gets trapped. The post-coital queef was…embarrassing. So he cuddled me…which made me queef again.
My GF at the time (wife now) and I were messing around. She goes down on me and is giving me head. All of a sudden, she just stops and I’m like WTF. Turns out she threw her neck out. I had to take her to the hospital. We came up with a story on the way there that we were golfing when it happened.
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I had a new-ish partner awhile back, and I thought since he was pretty comfortable with his sexuality and was adventurous, I thought I’d try to sneak my finger between his cheeks while giving him a blowjob (not INSIDE, just to massage the rim).
At some point, I had heard him say “deeper, baby” But he had a really tight, muscular butt so I was mostly unsuccessful. So I resorted to just massaging on the outside while going down on him.
After a while, he said, “can you go deeper?” To which I replied, “I’M TRYING” while jamming my finger in deeper… and after an uncomfortable silence he clarified “I meant your mouth not your finger”. And I just about died for the next five minutes feeling like I had just violated him.
I threw up on a guy’s dick after we both ate too many wings. Thankfully, he was really nice about it.
So, this happened with an ex a few years back. We were still in the stage of the relationship where we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, damn near tearing each other’s clothes off the minute they walk in and all that jazz. He got home one day, walked into the kitchen, and I basically pounced to go down on him. Now, I have muscular issues with my legs, and sometimes they don’t do what I want them to. In my somewhat lust-fuelled haze, I’d forgotten this particular fact.
Instead of dropping to my knees, my legs buckled the wrong way and I pitched backwards, promptly smacking my head on the fridge in the process. To add insult to injury, I knocked the fruit bowl off the top and I took a banana to the noggin as well. Given that I looked rather ridiculous, and my partner was concerned about me potentially having a minor concussion, sexytime did not occur.
When my boyfriend and I were relatively new, he tried to lean back on the bed in what was supposed to be an appealing way and ended up falling off it. He took half the contents of the bedside table, including the lamp, down with him and landed asshole to the sky between the mattress and the wall. The lamp took some damage but my boyfriend was fine and we still laugh about it sometimes.
I had just gotten to his apartment after work and he started kissing me all over and was really horny. He grabbed me and laid me down on the couch and kissed his way down to my thighs. Now, I usually pee when I get home from work. But since he came at me as soon as I got home, I kinda forgot I needed to pee and was aroused.
While he was going down on me, the feeling of needing to pee came back. I muttered to him to let me take a restroom break. He slowly eased off me, but the urge was suddenly so strong, I couldn’t hold it. I peed a little and it got right in his eye. He yelled, but I had already jumped up and ran to the restroom. While I was peeing, I could hear him cry out “my eye! It burns!”. I yelled out “I’m so sorry!” And I helped him flush his eye out and put eye drops in. Unfortunately, that killed the mood.
Had a partner who really liked taking big cumshots, so I’d edge on the days I didn’t see her to make bigger loads for her. We were in missionary position and I felt myself getting close, and the plan was to pull out and cum all over her body, which I did. Unfortunately, the first wad of cum shot a lot further than usual… over her body, past her face, and onto the headboard of the bed… where her cat was sitting and watching us.
The cat freaked out and ran away, and we jumped up and chased it around the house (both naked, me hard, and her with cum running down her chest and stomach) trying to catch it and clean it off.
I called out my own name while we were having sex. We both started cracking up and had to pause for a bit.
Was going down on this girl and to my surprise, she had a tampon in. She then went to take it out and we continued to try to do the dirty and head-butted each other. I then could not get hard. We didn’t talk for months. I’m now married to this woman.
This was when I had just started having sex and my first few times had gone really well. She was experienced, I could handle cowgirl and missionary just fine. I lasted a decent amount of time. Everything was going my way. So I decided that I wanted to try doggy-style.
I line everything up, start pumping away, and immediately get a leg cramp. I flailed over sideways and fell off the bed as I shot my load directly onto myself in one of the least satisfying orgasms ever. I looked a goofy mess, she laughed a bit. We never went out again.
An ex of mine really liked being slapped and whatnot. She just had her wisdom teeth removed and was obviously in a lot of pain afterward. We decided to bang at some point, and me being lost in the moment, slapped her right in the face. Immediately after I remembered she had her teeth surgically removed… I felt so bad and it definitely killed the mood. I still feel bad about it to this day. Sorry, Lizz.
The first time my ex and I had sex I ripped a huge toot right as I came. It earned me the oh-so-creative nickname “fuck fart” for the remaining 3 years we were together.
A guy’s box spring collapsed during missionary sex which caused his headboard to fall on us too. He took pics of his bed & was really happy about it even though it was destroyed.
I was at a wedding and my longtime FWB was there as well. The reception was in a College banquet hall and the student food court was attached. We snuck away to the food court and found an open door that led to the kitchen of one of the food places.
We started fucking, I was behind her. She tried to flip her hair in a sexy way and ended up head butting me right in the nose. My nose started bleeding and she started to cry a little, I made sure she was fine and I found some napkins for my nose. It didn’t fully kill the mood though…we made our way back to the hotel and got right back to where we left off.
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