LAST night, when Love Island’s man-eater Maura Higgins burst into tears after being pipped at the post to securing the SIXTH bloke she set those come-to-bed eyes on, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment.
Sorry love, but you’re not going to find the love of your life talking endlessly about ‘fanny flutters’ and crocodile tears aren’t going to help!
Usually, the summer of Love Islanders’ sexually charged shenanigans have always been pretty SFW, but this year, since raven-haired Irish beauty Maura came in, I’ve been tuning out rather than being turned on.
I’m not adverse to Maura being hailed as a fierce, feisty, feminine role model for 20-somethings around the country – I applaud her for getting a snog from Curtis during the heart rate monitor challenge.
But I’m still doubtful whether Curtis or any of the lads will have Maura on their mind for much longer.
Why? Because, while she’s arguable one of the most stunning girls in there (hello, did you see that cat outfit?!) her sexual-predator ways simply turn me off!
Within minutes of arriving in the villa she was telling the world how Tommy Fury had a very curious effect on her nether regions and that he gave her “fanny flutters”.
As a bloke, that’s a phrase that you just can’t unhear.
By stirring things up with her direct questions about Tommy’s package and overuse of the word “panties”, she’s actually finding it very hard to hang on to a lad
Maura will, no doubt, have been told by the producers to go in there and shake things up a bit by bewitching the guys with her lilt and looks and then proceeding to snog the night away with the one man or another.
What they will have been surprised about is that by stirring things up with her direct questions about Tommy’s package and overuse of the word “panties”, she’s actually finding it very hard to hang on to a lad.
Maura is coming across as a man-eater on the show[/caption]
Now, the last time I found myself actually blushing and squirming because of something I was watching on TV, I was a kid staying with my grandma watching a nature documentary about rhinos that showed what I could only describe as a full blown rhinorgy.
Maura has a similar effect on me almost every time she’s on screen and it’s got to the point now where if she goes any where near the Beach Hut diary room, I make my excuses to my wife and go and make a brew.
Quite clearly, I’m not the only one who is fascinated and horrified in equal measure by the things she says.
Curtis Pritchard doesn’t have a clue how to handle her and his day job involves getting up close and personal with professional dancers in barely there outfits.
Curtis admitted he was ‘shocked’ by Maura’s behaviour during the Dirty Dancing challenge[/caption]
I’m no Victorian prude (I’ll happily watch any ITV drama, no matter how high the nipple count) and it’s not the fact that Maura is quite happy to call a d**k, a d**k.
It’s the fact that it seems so constant that would make most blokes think twice and, I’m sad to say, it’s jeopardising her chance of love.
That’s because we actually don’t all just sit around graphically describing the ins and outs and the outs and ins of recent conquests and asking our mates searching questions about the body parts of their partners.
And when we meet a woman who does, I think we wonder how much she’s going to reveal about us when we, inevitably, split up.
Thankfully, Maura seems to have realised this and that her mouth might be getting in the way of a nightly bunk up with her hunk of choice.
“I’m not going to talk about sex as much cos guys don’t seem to like that”, she recently confided.
Smart move, Maura.
Now, I’m off to wash my ears out before tonight’s episode.
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