>Men Share Their Worst Hookup Stories
From abysmal blow jobs to porn star-esque screams, men are sharing scary stories of the worst sex they’ve ever had.
We were doing it doggy, I leaned over to talk dirty in her ear, inhaled one of her hairs into my throat, had a coughing fit, ran into the bathroom, and threw up.
Doing it missionary at a lake house when a big spider fell from the ceiling and landed on her breast. She screamed, freaked out, ran into the shower.
When you’re using all your energy to push that boner up, that as soon as it does, you push yourself over the edge. Not fun for either of you. Hate this.
So my girlfriend has a super chill lab. We were having sex doggy style and as I go back her dog sticks her nose directly in my asshole and sniffs…. like I could feel the inhale. Sex was done. I laughed so hard there was just no saving that one. She now gets locked outside during sexy times.
We we’re having sex on the beach after skinny dipping. No blanket. I slipped out and when I tried to re-enter her, I missed and buried it in the sand. HURT, PAIN, HURT, SCREAM, OUCH!
My first girlfriend. She laid there like a dead fish. Never wanted to try anything new. We did doggie once, and stopped after like 30 seconds. Years later, come to find out she’s a lesbian. On the upside, she taught me the proper way to eat pussy. So I have that going for me, which is nice. Now, all these years later, I still get compliments on my oral skills.
Met a girl online and she told me to come over to get the best blowjob of my life. She proceeded to treat my dick like she was eating an artichoke and during the middle of it a little kid came in (she never mentioned she had a kid). Upon leaving, I noticed family photos and came to the realization that she was married and her husband was out of town. Worst experience of my life.
I had sex with a girl who was overly enthusiastic. Like, wow. Chill out. I like the spirit but my dick isn’t magical okay. But thank you.
She then asked to piss on me. Hard no. Then she said we should have sex at work (yes we were colleagues) and this would normally be kind of hot. Buuuut. I worked at a hospital at the time and the room she suggested (because it has a bed in it already) is the holding room. Eg, where we stored bodies before the undertaker came to collect them. She also knew this and suggested the room specifically for that reason. She’s now in the navy. Best of luck to her.
My ex girlfriend cried EVERY TIME afterward. Also was just a dead fish the entire time. Strange thing was she always initiated. Here’s the worst part, before hand she would always wash “herself” out with a bar of soap. So everytime I went down on her it reminded me of being scolded as a child for cursing by having my mouth washed out with soap. She wound up leaving me for a girl and never looked back. Shit was just strange.
I got shit on during anal a few times, but that’s not the worst. Shit happens, you know?
The worst would probably have to be this one girl who loved to scream like a pornstar during sex.
Like, waaaay over the top, using corny phrases straight from pornhub, like, “Yeyeyeyeyeyeyeah, fuck my pussy, oh my god!” over and over.
Like, come on, you’re not fooling anyone. I know I’m not that good. Can we just be honest with each other?
Totally killed the mood for me.
Was hitting it from behind and her asshole smelled so bad it was making me nauseous. I faked a hamstring pull and shut it down.
Taking forever to get at half mast then busting right away. Good ol’ anxiety boner.
I dated a girl who loved to give blow jobs, but she was terrible at it. I used to call her The Rake.
Missionary has the potential to be a lot of fun when done correctly. Not this time…
She just lied there like a damp cloth. Her eyes were wide open, staring into me. Refusing to blink, she held the same creepy smile the entire time. The only time her mouth moved was to repeat her mantra every 15 seconds or so “Yes. Oh Yes. Fuck Yes.” Repeat…
The whole ordeal was so offputting, I faked the nut and got out of there as quickly as I could. Shit still haunts me.
Reverse cowgirl lead to an almost broken dick. Never felt so much physical pain in my life before that and this is coming from a guy who has gone through 10 different surgeries in my lifetime. Shout out to my ex Kate.
A one night stand who kept saying “Yes! Give me your baby! Put a baby in me!” Um, no.
Girl was really boring in bed but the absolute worst part was she wouldn’t leave my house no matter what excuse I gave her.
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