When I was about 8 years old, my mom taught me how to cook grilled cheese, since it was the only thing I’d eat (I was a very picky eater as a child), and my mom was tired of cooking a grilled cheese separately from the rest of the food she cooked.
At some point during this process, my 8-year-old brain wondered “How hot is the pan?,” and went about testing this by resting my thumb on the edge of the pan. And that’s how Jacob learned what burned skin looked like, and as dumb as that story is, it’s NOTHING compared to what follows.
I put on a Tigger costume when I was little and thought I could bounce on his tail jumped off my dresser & broke my tailbone.
Circle birthday cake. I lit the candles on the outside first. Burnt my wrists/forearms trying to light the candles in the middle.
I closed the trunk door of my car on my nose. Still wondering how i managed to do that.
I once kissed a reflection of myself on the outside of a metal toaster while in use, and seriously burned my lips. Technically my first kiss…
In a bad mood one morning at work. Went to take a shit. First wipe, the toilet paper hangs up on the dispenser and won’t tear. I mutter “oh, goddammit” and give it a vigorous yank. Of course the toilet paper rips, and I’ve done it with enough force where I punch myself in the face and give myself a spectacular bloody nose.
Tested to see how sharp a knife was with my finger.
I cut myself… on my carpet… to this day I still have no idea how it happened
I threw a stick into the sea, wanted the stick back and slice my foot open on some oysters (down to bone)
I walked into a door forgetting to actually open it. Resulted in a bloody nose.
I fractured two metatarsals in my foot and currently I am in a boot riding a knee scooter…..I was walking, just walking. Not running, not playing sports, not kicking a rock. JUST WALKING!
A few years ago I woke up, when to the bathroom, and was wiping my ass when I pull my neck. Still not sure how but it happened I just felt the pull and had an enormous pain.
Went to the doctor who gave me anti-inflammatory injections and had to use a collar for a week and . I used to tell people I fall.
I had never seen a lacrosse ball. Didn’t realize It was so bouncy and heavy. Threw it at the ground at my feet. It bounced up and hit me right in the nostrils. Blood everywhere and a new found respect for the bouncy ball of death.
I was making caramel by melting sugar in a pan. As it was cooling down I was wondered if it solidified already so I poked it with my finger.
Second degree burns are not fun
I broke my foot while putting on pants.
My brother had a turtle. He would take it out of its pen from time to time and let it roam the yard. I watched it chomp on some grass.
I picked it up and was feeding it grass, amazed at how clean it chopped the grass. So I stuck my finger in its mouth.
Turn out it hurts really bad. I didn’t want to hurt the guy so I had to suffer through it until he let go. He pulled his head into his shell so I couldn’t pull my finger out.
Finally he let go.
Long story short don’t stick your fingies where you wouldn’t stick your dingie.
I was 17 when this happened…
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