My ex-wife has just told me that she was raped eight years ago and our son may not be mine

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex-wife has simply informed me that my son might not be mine however the results of her being raped.

We now have three youngsters — two women aged 12 and 9, and a boy who’s seven. My ex and I are each 38. She is a nurse.

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It was a double blow when she first stated she’d been raped after which informed me my son might not be mine[/caption]

A while after our youthful daughter was born she modified from being outgoing and energetic into an individual I didn’t recognise. She began consuming and the home was all the time a multitude.

She received worse after she had our son. I attempted however in the long run I assumed it might be higher if I moved again in with my mom.

My former spouse was then reported to social companies as a result of our son, who was then two, wandered out of the backyard.

When a neighbour went to inform my spouse, she discovered her drunk, asleep on the couch.

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Ever since our son was born, she began to disintegrate and spends most of her time drunk[/caption]

The kids had been taken off her due to her neglect and so they had been handed to me to convey up.

I gave up my work and needed to declare advantages in order that I may take care of the kids and hold a roof over our heads.

My ex-wife moved away and received along with one other man. She sees the children within the holidays and has progressively appeared a bit extra steady.
She took the ladies away on vacation after they broke up from faculty and I took our son away.

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I’m loopy about our son and I can’t bear the thought that he might not biologically be mine[/caption]

When she introduced the ladies again, she sat me down and informed me that she was raped on her means dwelling after a late shift on the hospital about eight years in the past by a male colleague who gave her a carry.

She’d by no means reported it. She hadn’t identified what to do. She stated our son would be the rapist’s baby. What’s worse is she’s informed our older daughter that her brother may very well be her half-brother.

OK, she’s been by way of a troublesome time — however why has she informed our 12-year-old daughter and why didn’t she inform me years in the past?

DEIDRE SAYS: Being raped is such a horrific trauma many victims go into shock and really feel unable to inform anybody what has occurred – even their nearest and dearest.

I agree it was not very best to share this tough secret along with your older daughter for whom it should have stirred up many fears and conflicting emotions.

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TWO out of 5 {couples} have regrets about their marriage ceremony ­ and the massive day can convey household tensions to the floor.
My Wedding ceremony Worries leaflet tells learn how to take care of points.
For a replica, e-mail me on the tackle under or message me on my Fb web page.

Your son remains to be your son in each means that issues. Don’t rush into DNA exams till you could have considered the implications.

You have got liked him and raised him. When you and your spouse had been having intercourse round that point, he could also be your organic baby.

Is your ex going to report her rapist to the police? In any occasion she must get some understanding help and may contact Rape Disaster (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).

Give your daughter a number of alternative to speak over her emotions with you.

Reassure her that your loved ones unit is as sturdy as ever. You could find help your self by way of Household Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).

Get in contact with Deidre right now

Obtained an issue? Ship an e-mail to issues@deardeidre.org.

 

Each drawback will get a private reply, often inside 24 hours weekdays.

You can too ship a non-public message on the DearDeidreOfficial Fb web page.

Observe me on Twitter @deardeidre.


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