My stepdaughter is having a baby but I’m worried I’ll get too attached because I’m desperate to be a dad

DEAR DEIDRE: NEXT spring, my partner’s daughter will have a baby and I’m so jealous. We tried for five years to be parents and spent thousands on IVF. Now I’m 40 we’ve given up.

My stepdaughter is 20. She came to live with us three years ago. She’s not with the dad of the child and wants to stay with us as she can’t afford to rent a place.

I’m worried I’ll get too attached to my stepdaughter’s baby
Getty – Contributor

I’ve told her she has my support all the way and a baby will bring a great joy to the home – but I’m worried I’ll get too attached to the child.

Will I manage to help when I’m asked and then back off and leave her in charge? On the outside I’m calm but I’m crying inside.

DEIDRE SAYS: This is a difficult turn of the screw, to have a baby come into your home just when you have given up hope of having a child of your own – but you’re right when you say that a baby brings joy.

Share how you feel with your stepdaughter so that she’ll understand.

Be firm with yourself that the mother’s in charge.

Find understanding through Gateway Women, who support women childless through infertility or other circumstances (

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