Chances are, you’ve probably been bored of a relationship before. Some people choose to end the relationship and others, like this couple in question, choose to pursue, um, “ alternative” forms of addressing that boredom.
Recently, a couple had grown unhappy after being together for far too long. The man had just about lost it. His woman was like a broken record. She said the same old things, they did the same old things; it was exhausting to just be in the relationship. One day, as she fell asleep early again he decided he had enough. He opened up his laptop, found craigslist, and searched “personals.”
“I saw you at a redbox…” Nope.
“Need help moving…” Nope.
“You were a Starbucks barista around noon…”
“Come with me. Let’s escape…” That sparked his interest.
He opened the ad which revealed a woman looking for a little getaway. The catch? There were some weird requirements. “Can’t be an idiot, CANNOT LIKE slow-paced exercises.” Well, he checked those boxes. “MUST LIKE: severe weather, late-night sex on the beach, blended drinks.”
Alright, this woman clearly had some messed up priorities, but what else was he going to do? Keep going to bed bored and unhappy every night? Late night sex on the beach sounded good enough to distract from that she was some weird weather buff and, after all, he was desperate enough to be looking at personal ads, why not give this a shot? He realized throughout this process his lady didn’t come to mind once during this pondering, so he went for it.
The man, clearly out of his element on this and taking pretty much anything he could get at this point, ripped off her ad and recreated it in hopes of getting a response. “We may not share all our interests, but I do like severe weather and blended drinks.” Which was at least half-true.
He continued, trying to share whatever obscure things that came to mind about himself much like that woman did “I don’t really watch what I eat and I like carbonated wine.” This was weird, but is it as weird as someone liking weather being a deal breaker? Plus, it was nice to be expressing himself freely in a way he never had with his current love affair.
“If you’re in let’s meet tomorrow at a bar and plan this thing.” All he could do was wait and hope she would A) show up B) be at least okay-looking and C) not be insane. Having said that, he has to be at least a little insane for going through with this, right? I mean, a murderer could’ve put this ad out. Anyone could be showing up to this bar. Then she walked in.
He knew who she was immediately. Her smile, her facial structure, he would recognize her anywhere.
“It’s you,” she said to him. They laughed. It was his girl.
She said “I never knew” and he cut her off, “That you liked Piña Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne. If you like making love at midnight, in the dune of the cape. You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape.”
(Happy National Pina Colada Day everyone.)
((Yes, it’s real, and yes, it’s today.))
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