Ah, public embarrassment. It’s a tale as old as time, and one that never goes away. While a few of these stories do run a bit long, the one thing that can’t be denied is that they’re all cringey as fuck:
i’m a lifeguard so i see lots of really awkward interactions between 12-14 y/o kids. my favorite is when a kid belly flopped trying to impress a girl and ended up throwing up instead
My best friend in high school used to come up with the most insane lies to be more interesting. She used to tell us her dad (who she had no contact with) owned multiple houses in an area similar to I’d say Malibu. She used to say she was a child model, and that her family opened the first Coke factory.
It never stopped and a year after we graduated, she bought a ring at something like a dollar store and told everyone she was engaged to a model from the US (when we asked to see a photo, she used a stock photo from Google lmao) We constantly had second-hand embarassement.
I had a guy try to break his hockey stick in anger at a pick up game. There could not have been lesser stakes (nobody keeps score or takes the “game” seriously) and the guy was acting like he was in a Stanley Cup finals.
He tried and failed to break his $200+ stick at least 15 times because he missed a shot.
Guy in an expensive looking suit, with an expensive looking haircut, carrying an expensive looking briefcase, pushing through a bunch of people at a bus stop (including elderly) while loudly talking on the phone about the “VIP accounts” he managed. He kept looking at people and smirking. When the light changed, he immediately charged across the street, saying something like “move, I’m more important than you”
… And he slipped on the road kill possum in the crosswalk, and put his hand in it.
I have a girl friend who is a lesbian. She is a beautiful woman. The number of guys who do not take “I only like women” as a no to their advances is staggering. I’ve been lightly assaulted twice when I’ve asked them to leave her alone. The most “go home” moment, though, has to be the time when a dude went up to karaoke the song “I kissed a girl” by Katy Perry to try and impress her after being shot down.
He thought it would be a good idea to switch the word “girl” with “guy”…. for reasons? It was brutal.
I went to high school with a girl who would constantly announce how she didn’t have a gag reflex, and usually in completely unprompted and in irrelevant situations; She often would pepper it into conversations that she wasn’t even a part of initially.
I had a guy pull up in the lane beside my car on a motorcycle at a red light. He did this little wave and kissy smooch face at me and kept revving it up. When the light turned he tried to do a wheelie take off and ended up falling off. I stopped and asked if he was okay at which point he realized that I was old enough to be his mother. Still makes me laugh.
Myself and a friend were at a pub. Just 2 girls having a drink and a laugh. There was a dude who was bothering us all night, he was pretty drunk and very annoying, we were polite to him at first and conversed but he was getting very sexual with his comments so my friend just told him to fuck off.
He left us alone but at closing time we were outside waiting for our cab and he started again. Only this time he was being an even bigger dick, calling us sluts and bitches etc.
A big guy who was close walked over and told him to piss off and stop bothering us. The drunk guy then tried to punch the big guy but misses then realising hes about to get his ass beat runs across the road and gets hit by a car.
Oh god. Friends of ours have a sailboat and a ton of sailing friends. Several years ago, their daughter’s First Communion rolls around and they have a massive bash. Now the thing about sailing people is they’re friendly, and you cannot tell the guy with the 50-footer from the guy who scrapes the barnacles off. Especially when everyone is hanging out in a backyard with a bunch of beer and barbecue.
New Neighbor is there too. He does his “becAuSe I’M a LaWyEr” thing where he’s all pompous. Talks to this nice older lady and treats her like dirt because He’S a LaWyEr. He makes sure she knows that he is Very Important. Because he’s a lawyer.
Ten minutes later, he’s doing his pompous lawyer thing with someone else, who says, Oh, hey, I have a great contact for your to meet! Drags the asshole lawyer over and says, “Judy, meet [Asshole]! [Asshole], this is Judy, Dean at Georgetown Law!” It was, of course, the nice older lady.
We were all waiting for the bus after school and this kid whipped out a guitar and sang a god awful remix of some Jasom Miraz song to his love interest. It didn’t help that his absurdly unkempt finger nails were used as his “guitar pick”. It was a train wreck and I still violently cringe whenever I think about the poor girl just standing there trying to be polite throughout the ordeal.
I was in the smoking area of a busy bar with a friend of mine, and he started chatting up a girl. I was doing the usual small-talk with her friend – you know, the small-talk that has the subtext of “Well, those two are probably gonna bang, how about this weather we’ve been having huh?”
My drunk friend decided to do the condom trick to impress his new-found lady friend. The trick where you unroll a condom, snort it up your nose, and spit it out your mouth.
Well, it went a bit wrong. The condom went up his nose alright, and some of it managed to drop down into his throat, but the base of it stayed lodged somewhere around his sinuses. Within seconds, theatrical snorting gave way to uncontrollable coughing, choking noises, and then projectile vomiting that sprayed out his mouth and his one unblocked nostril, covering the table, a large area of floor, and (of course) his new-found lady friend.
Cleared the entire smoking room, got us both thrown out of the bar, and needless to say he did not get laid that night.
It was this dude in highschool who kept talking about how he was gonna sing a song to a girl he was crushing on and win her heart. We all thought he was just being stupid.
Well charity drive week comes, and you could like “rent the mic” in the cafe to raise money. Most people used it to like, play their favorite CD or make their friends suffer through the worst 70s pop music or whatever.
Well this fucker Gary rents the mike and sings something to the girl, and yeah dedicates it to her. So she’s embarrassed as fuck and walks out almost immediately and I don’t even remember if he was terrible or not but basically everyone was just like “WTF”.
At a party a drunk guy was bragging to girls he could take everyone there in a fight because of his “high pain tolerance” and asked someone to break a bottle over his head witch they happily obliged so he pounded the rest of his beer and knocked him good over the head but the bottle didn’t bust instead it just bounced off and he fell face first into a block wall unconscious with a HUGE knot forming on his head and blood streaming from his now broken nose
When I worked at dominoes, one of the drivers had just gotten a brand new Cadillac. Not exactly sure which model, but it was the sports car one. Anyways, he proceeded to show every driver in the parking lot behind the store his “drifting skills”. He then proceeded to drift his car over a curb, and into trees. Completely ruined his passenger side. He was one of those guys that always tried to one up everybody else, so I definitely got a kick out of it.
A guy cut himself doing something dumb at my house.
Me: Hey, you need to clean that up.
Dude, bleeding profusely: Nah. It’s fine.
Me: No, I’m telling you you need to clean that up and put bandaids on it. You’re dripping blood on my floor.
Like, okay, I understand that you think you’re too macho for first aid and that’s your choice. But I do get to insist that you not give me and the other guests your very manly hepatitis.
I was at a party in college and some dude started acting out some scene from the Dark Knight as the Joker in front of a bunch of confused girls. The movie had just come out a few months earlier, so it was pretty obvious what he was doing.
Everyone in the immediate vicinity stopped talking and we all watched this dude awkwardly act out a one-sided scene as Heath Ledger’s Joker, after which he started trying to talk to the girls while still in character.
At one point he jumped up on a coffee table and one of the guys that apparently lived there, angrily yelled at him to stop and get off the table unless he “wanted his ass beat”. Clearly caught off guard, he finally breaks character, sheepishly says “oh..sorry…sorry” and awkwardly saunters off and sits down on a couch, trying to play it off like nothing happened.
I wanted to eat a bullet.
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