My apartment complex has very few parking places. Mine is on the end of the row, and lots of people park there without permission, forcing me to park a block away. It’s frustrating but the apartment complex won’t do anything about it.
As much as I fantasize about keying cars or slashing tires, I would never do anything like that. Also, since my car is usually parked in that spot, someone would know it was me and might retaliate.
The solution: birdseed! I just throw a handful of birdseed on the car. I keep a bag in the glovebox. The longer the jerk parks in my spot, the more birds are going to poop on it.
I had a pretty funny road rage incident the other night. I was leaving work (I work as a bartender at a country club) and I brought home a whole box of mash potatoes and a box of prime rib. This guy makes a left hand turn moves over both lanes and almost runs into me but I jumped my truck up on the curb and sidewalk to avoid him hitting me.
I blew my horn at him till we pulled up to the next light about 100 yards down the road. By the time we got there he had shifted back into the left lane. I have an old truck with out AC so my window was already down. He rolls down his window and instead of apologizing he flips me the middle finger and yells fuck you.
At this moment the only logical thing I could think to do next was grab the large white styrofoam to-go box completely full of mash potatoes and launch it into his car. As the box crosses the plane of his passenger window the box clips the top of the opening. This causes the mash potatoes to explode into the car and cover him and the entire front seats of his car.
It was the most satisfaction I have ever had. I immediately make the right hand turn and book it out of there. I can only imagine what was going through his head as he sat there covered in buttery goodness. My only regret was I did not get to eat my mash potatoes but I still had the prime rib when I got home.
My old college roommate didn’t know how to cook or do dishes and didn’t go food shopping much. This led to him eating my food, especially my leftovers as those were prepared meals. I would use my leftovers to meal prep for the week, and told him to stop as it was expensive as well as inconvenient. The behavior did not stop and he actually seemed to be eating more of my food out of spite.
To punish him, I baked a chocolate cake with habanero peppers and mixed the frosting with wasabi. I labled it with my name and a bold “Do Not Eat” and waited. This guy has a very low tolerance for spicy foods so I thought he would take one bite quickly realize the error of his ways. About two days later, him and a couple of his friends got really drunk while I was at work and decided to dig into my food.
Somehow, they ate about a third of it before realizing, and when they inevitable went to throw up from over drinking and eating spicy foods, got hit by the cake a 2nd time. Don’t know for sure but it couldn’t have felt good coming out the backend. When he asked me why I made this monstrocty I told him I found a chocolate habanero recipe online that I wanted to try. He stopped eating my cooking after that.
I got a job with a company in another state, and relocated there with the missus. The phone interview went pretty well, and the operations manager told me that there would be regular reviews and pay rises. When I forced the first review and asked about the pay rise, the owner of the company looked at me and said “what more value will you offer us to justify it”.
This was only 2 weeks after I had done 136 hours in 6 days and damn near killed myself to get a number of different projects together. This was in the first year.
I worked there for four years, and made some great friends, but every single time the topic of pay came up, the owner kept saying he couldn’t afford it.
Now, the regional city we were in was famous for it’s drinking culture, and the boss actually paid for a decent xmas party, so drunken shenanigans were the norm, and every year they had a secret santa. For those who don’t know what this is, everyone draws a name of someone in the company out of a hat, and has to anonymously get them a small gift.
The last xmas party that I attended was coming up. At that point, the hierarchy of the company didn’t know that I was already arranging to leave (in a fairly sudden fashion, but more on that later), and I managed to draw the owners name out of the hat for the secret santa gift. I racked my brain on what to get, and finally picked out what I thought was the perfect gift.
Fast forward to the night of the xmas party. All my friends in the company know that I’m leaving, but they’re keeping quiet for me. Everyone is getting well lubricated, and it’s time to hand out the gifts from everyones secret santas. There’s a few silly coffee mugs, a g-string for one of the more manly guys there, and then the owner picks up his gift. He opens it up to discover that it’s one of those rubbish grabbers. The expression on his face is one of “weird flex, but ok”.
As the night starts to wrap up, I mention to one of my mates that it’s REALLY important that he reads the card, so with everyone still there, he yells out “Hey boss, the card you got with your gift, what does it say?”.
The boss pulls the card out and reads it out loud “THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THOSE WITH VERY SHORT ARMS AND VERY DEEP POCKETS”.
To this day, I’m not sure if he knows I gave it to him, but EVERYBODY else does.
As for me leaving, while this was happening, I had been packing a shipping container full of all our furniture, and had arranged to have 3 months of paid leave starting the same week as xmas ( had so much leave because they didn’t pay overtime, they gave it as Time In Lieu. The shipping container was picked up on xmas eve, and I left the state that night, driving 3000km in 2.5 days.
I had got them to pay all my leave entitlements in a lump sum, and I sent them a resignation letter 3 weeks before I was due to return to work.
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