Luckily I was never a big trouble-maker in my youth so I avoided major confrontations with my teachers. Having said that, there were a handful of teachers that had a way of striking the fear of God into you that still sticks with me to the present day. I’ll start with my own personal story first and then let others have the floor…
First, my story. I knew one teacher who was in the Marines back before he took his job as a teacher. He was still very young, and athletic, likely his late-thirties. Anyway, one day a student acted up (the details of what he said I forget) to which prompted my teacher to tell him to walk straight to the principal’s office and report himself for misbehavior. So that’s that, right? Nope.
Kid said something under his breath on the way out shit-talking the teacher who caught it from all the way across the room. Teacher jumps on his desk, and bounds over about 4 or 5 single desks in the middle of the room in order to promptly catch the offending kid in the act. The kid bolted but did not make it far because the teacher was so quick leaping his way over desks to catch him. The teacher grabbed the kid by the neck in the hallway and personally escorted him from there.
The teacher might’ve been fired for that act today, but in middle school when I grew up it just earned him legendary status.
And, No, hand to God I’m not making that shit up. I can still picture the teacher and that classroom layout today.
Threw a tiny piece of chalk, and hit the kid in the back row who had been chatting loudly.
Someone in my history class was swinging on his chair, so the teacher made him write a two-page apology letter to the chair. He then had to read it out in front of the class while stroking the chair ‘to make it feel better’.
When I was in high school a friend of mine dropped his wallet in class and found out that the money from his wallet was stolen. The kid (who we eventually realized stole it) was asking him “What happened? What are you looking for?”
My friend told him that his money was stolen, then he told the teacher. I figure most teachers would brush it off with a “nothing we can do about it” sort of thing.
Not this teacher. Mr. D was a short, kinda pudgy in a cute way sorta man. He had a voice that was not at all intimidating, in fact nothing about him was.
He stopped the class and said in a voice that he struggled to keep calm (to the best of my memory):
“Someone stole something in this class. This is what we’re going to do. I’m gonna close the lights and leave the room. You are all going to sit in a circle with your backs facing each other. I will leave the room and once I return, the money better be in the center of the circle.
This is your last chance. No one will know, and no one will get in trouble. But if you don’t do this, so help me God, it will be the worst mistake you’d have made. So I’ll leave now, remember, this is your one shot at redemption.”
The teacher left and sure enough, the money was in the center of the floor. The change was never returned (I guess it made too much noise) but the bills were. As promised no one got in trouble and we resumed the day.
That was some savage shit!
Seminar, discussing a book and someone notes that the subject matter is not very interesting.
Student (Brian) responds that “But really, if you really focus on something and think hard about it, can’t anything be interesting?”
Professor turns to him and says: “Brian, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find you interesting.”
College professor had a strict no cell phone rule. Well his phone rang one day and without skipping a beat he picked it up, threw it against the wall, obliterating it, and went on with the lecture like nothing happened.
I went to art school for illustration and it was there that one of my professors uttered my favorite line.
Generally we’d have people in class that weren’t wonderful, and would defend themselves in critique by saying something was a stylistic choice. My professor was classically trained all over the world and devoted his life to being a renaissance level artist. So he was good at sculpting, painting, drawing, and had a wealth of knowledge of anatomy, form and perspective. He knew his shit and one day he just had it and screamed at one of my classmates;
“Ineptitude is not a style!”
Now it’s not the most savage thing, but it cut him to the bone and remains with me to this day as the greatest thing to ever say to someone fucking up.
This kid in the back of the class shot a paper ball and it would have landed in the trashcan but the teacher slapped it away and said get that weak shit out of here, he’s like 80 btw.
My Chinese teacher is the definition of savage. She was is blatantly honest about everything. One year we had these girls that were always talking. She called them the evil twins and one time they were using their phones and the teacher called on them. One of them responds with “Miss, you wouldn’t understand but I have a really long Snapchat streak” and the teacher just responds with “Yes you’re right I don’t understand because I have a life”
What makes her disses a million times better is the Chinese accent that goes with it.
Had a music theory professor in college that would make students get up in front of the class and sing for basically any reason (yawning in his class, talking, etc).
Engineering class with a computer lab which we were working in at the time. Someone was playing games on the computer during an assignment, and my teacher walked past him, so he quickly switched his tabs to the page he was supposed to be on. The teacher asks the student what he was doing, he said “nothing, doing my assignment.” She pulled out her drivers license and said
“Here’s my license, what does it say?”
then she screamed:
“THAT I WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY”
Ensuing laughter followed.
During math class, some kid shouted “ur mum “ to the teacher for some reason. So the teacher called his mom mid-lesson and forced the kid to come to the front of the class and apologize to the teacher’s mom in front of everyone. Fucking legend.
Brought cigarettes into class and told people to put their hand up if they wanted one, he told each person who raised their hand to go up and stand at the front. We then went outside to a setup table where a little clamp was holding a cigarette, he lit the cigarette and it just started sparking and popping loud as shit like a firecracker. He was trying to teach people that accepted the cigarettes that have no idea what is in the things people offer you. Cool guy, one of the most memorable teachers I had.
I had a teacher that would always tell us to read all the test questions first, and then complete the test. One time at the start of the quiz he wrote an IP address on the board. Yes, it was a technology class. The last question on the test was what is the IP address on the board. He erased the address from the board after 5 minutes. If you had followed instructions and read all the questions you had time to write the address down. If you didn’t then you missed the question.
My high school didn’t allow skateboards, so my metal shop teacher told a kid if he saw it again he’d cut in half. I guess the kid didn’t believe him because he brought it again the next day. Teacher took it, walked over to a bandsaw, cut it in two, and handed it back to the kid.
We had a history teacher who was a delight if you were on his good side, an unholy terror if you pissed him off.
once he threw a book at a student’s feet; the kid was sleeping. Kid fell asleep again, and teacher pounded both fists on the desk on either side of his head, while screaming WAKE UP!
he really didn’t like one of the young women in the class (she cheated a lot), so when she excused herself to go to the bathroom, he locked the door and then told the class to ignore her. She stood and banged on the door for a solid five minutes until he went, “oh, I didn’t see you there,” and let her back in.
Teacher – The most expensive thing when you have a gf are the restaurants
Student – I don’t care I bring her to McDonald’s
Teacher – Aaand that’s why you’re single.
Have any good stories of savage teachers from your formative years?? Let us know in the comments!
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