Overdramatic title aside, I want to express a certain amount of joy that I’ve never worked at a supermarket, mostly because I’ve seen some customers in them that make my skin crawl. I can’t even imagine having to ring up their groceries, clean up their spills, and more.
So, these stories about working at a supermarket confirm my worst fears. It sounds like a fucking nightmare (and the real lesson in these stories is to stay the fuck away from the bathrooms).
There was this one lady who had two kids who were fooling around, so she started yelling at them. I was bagging and barely paying attention until she hoisted one on her knee, right on the bagging area and started spanking him right in front of me. Like, on top of the bagging counter. People were staring. I quickly finished up with a screaming child being disciplined in front of me.
A customer gave me a fake coupon that didn’t even have a barcode or any promo codes. I told her, ‘Ma’am, we don’t accept these coupons.’ And, she went off, yelling ‘Yes, you do! Scan the damn thing!’ I showed her that the coupon didn’t have a barcode, then she starts yelling, ‘Give me the damn scanner! It’ll work!’ My manager had to call security, and she was practically dragged out of the store. The entire time she was screaming at me saying, ‘I’ll see you in hell!
DeAnna M D’Amico
One day, a balding man in his 30’s came in and said to his friend while I was ringing up his groceries, ‘See this is why I go to [competing local supermarket], all the girls there are hot, instead of these ugly hags.’ My manager happened to be bagging for me at the time and refused service to them.
Last week, a shirtless man wearing a Confederate flag as a cape asked me where the bathroom was. He was either drunk or stoned so I led him there myself. We were barely two steps in before he threw up in the URINAL. He retched for a full 30 seconds, all while Pitbull’s “Fireball” played on the radio. Eventually my manager dragged him out and called the police. I was stuck after work for two hours, scooping out puke from a urinal.
A disheveled little old lady placed what looked like a chunk of orange gumdrop on the counter. I said, ‘What is that?’ She said, ‘It’s a piece of my foot.’
I worked in a grocery store when I was 16 and one time, this creepy manager had a ‘party’ when his wife was out of town and invited all of the younger employees over, claiming it was an end of the school year celebration. I didn’t go and from then on he put me on bathroom and cart duty every shift.
I walked to and from work and once had to get a police escort home after a guy threatened to ‘come across the counter’ at me and then waited outside for me when my shift was over. This was all because I wouldn’t give him a cell phone from the lost and found that wasn’t his.
Right before closing time, a deer ran through the sliding doors of our store. It was my job to chase after him to try and get him outside. After 10 minutes, he escaped but not before head-butting the ice cream section, shattering all the glass and cartons. And then it was my job to clean up after him.
We had a regular, older guy, who came in at least every other day to buy two bottles of Sherry. It was winter and he came in for the usual. He disappeared into the store and about 15 minutes later he came to the checkout with Sherry in hand and NO PANTS!! Thankfully he had a pretty big winter coat on so there was no exposure. About 10 minutes after he left, we found his poop-filled pants in the men’s restroom.”
One time a woman pulled down her pants, spread her buttcheeks, bent over, and sprayed diarrhea all over the stall while spinning in circles. I can’t confirm that this is exactly what happened, but there is no other reasonable explanation as to how there was poop splatter on all three walls and the stall door. I was the lucky one picked to clean it up.
I used to work in a grocery store bakery and one time this guy came in and wanted all the leftover breadcrumbs from us cutting bread all day. So I proceeded to sweep them into little baggies for him. I was curious so I asked him what he was going to do with the breadcrumbs and he replied with, ‘I’m going to sprinkle them all over my lover’s body and eat them off,’ and walked away.
A woman rushed into the store and went straight to the dairy department. Minutes later, a man stormed in looking pissed off and he, too, went to dairy. On my way to the employee lounge, I saw the woman holding back the pissed off man who was lunging for our dairy manager, Romeo. Turns out, Romeo and the woman were having an affair and the husband found out. Police were called, the couple was escorted out, and Romeo was transferred to another store.
One guy, barefoot and wasted, insisted on using a motorized cart because his ankle was hurt. He and his crew wandered the aisles, bumping into displays. When they came to my department, the cart-guy careened full-force into a stack of 48 wine cases. As the Merlot started tumbling he got off the cart and walked away with his hands in the air saying, ‘I have no idea what happened.’ I was left cleaning up gallons of cheap wine and glass off the floor.
I was once working on checkout and an old man came up and asked if I could put something in the rubbish for him. I said sure and went to grab whatever it was and he, real casually, emptied a PILE of dead skin onto my hand.
A friend of mine found a moist, brown stain in the produce aisle of the store she worked at. When she went to clean it she noticed a trail. She followed the wet brown trail all across the store and eventually into the men’s bathroom where it led to the urinal where somebody had left the rest of the BBQ ribs they were eating.
A couple had put their baby on the conveyer belt while I was scanning. When they went to pay, the baby decided to piss EVERYWHERE: all over the conveyer belt, all over the food of the people next in line, all over the floor, all over the scanner, and all over me. When they finally lifted their baby up, it turned out he had also decided to do a ‘number 2’. The couple left straight away and I was left to clean up the shit and piss. I quit three days later.
A little while ago, I was the shift manager at a Safeway that had a Bank of Hawaii in it. My colleague and I were getting ready to switch to the night shift when all of a sudden the alarm to the bank started going off. We hurried over to the area and turned out, there was a couple having loud, obnoxious sex right there on the transaction counter.
Once I had this guy come through my line. There was a bit of blood on some of his items, but I assumed it was just from the steak, since those packages leak frequently. It wasn’t until after I had rung in all of his items, and bagged them that the customer said to me, ‘You should be careful, I cut my hand open and I have Hepatitis B,’ and then proceeded to show me his bloody hand. I had to get tested and go through the whole round of vaccines, just to find out at the last shot that thankfully I was already vaccinated.
Jenny Lola Hobson
A customer in his 60s or 70s was walking toward me with a package of hot dogs in his hand. He took one out of the bag and started eating it cold. He then looked at me, waved the hot dog around, and asked very calmly if I would like a bite of his wiener…
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