Sex with my boyfriend was mindblowing and I thought he fancied me — but he’s just been using me

DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my boyfriend was mind-blowing and he seemed totally into me. I thought I had found the man of my dreams but it turned out I was so wrong.

I met him eight months ago at work. He’s based on a different floor and we got talking in the lift. I am 24 and had been single for 18 months. He is 29.

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I thought we had something special but it was all a lie[/caption]

He told me he was separated from his wife and insisted that while they still lived in the same house, they had not had sex for over a year.

We started seeing each other. I had a very abusive childhood and find it hard to trust but soon I was head over heels in love with him and he said he wanted to be with me. He was like no other man I had ever met. Our sex life was the best I’ve ever had by a long way.

Then he started becoming distant. He began making excuses not to see me and lying about what he was doing.

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We began flirting at work and I instantly clicked with him[/caption]

He told me he was taking his seven-year-old daughter to visit his parents who live abroad but I later found out from a colleague that his wife went with them. I now realise they are still having sex.

He felt ill at work one day and said he thought he was going down with a bug.

I wanted to look after him but he said he needed a bath and an early night.

I tried phoning several times that evening but he did not reply. Back at work the next day he said he had fallen asleep. He told me how special I was and that he was incredibly lucky to be with me. The next week he finished with me.

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I feel totally used and may never be able to trust a man again[/caption]

He said he had never had feelings for me and had only been using me for sex. Then he walked out and didn’t look back.

A friend has now told me that he went into town with his mates on the night he claimed he had fallen asleep. For a bet he asked a woman for sex without even knowing her name, and she was up for it.

He said he wants to stay friends but any feelings I have for him are dead. I am over him but not the guy I thought he was, the guy I fell in love with. I know I need to move on but I can’t get him out of my head.


WHILE one in three relationships is affected by cheating, statistics show the troubled couple are more likely to stay together and it is usually the lover that is left broken-hearted.

My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? can help you decide how to handle your love triangle.

Email or private-message me on my Facebook page for a copy.

DEIDRE SAYS: The grown-up bit of you knows you are far better off without him, but he hooked into the hurt-child bit of you.

Get help to deal with that pain and let the hurt heal.

Contact the National Association for People Abused in Childhood for the right kind of advice and information (, 0808 801 0331).

Then you can look around for a man who will value everything you have to give in a relationship and will treat you well. Get out with genuine friends now and take your time about finding someone new.

My e-leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You will help.

When you find the right relationship, it will be easier for you to see what happened with your ex as part of a learning curve.

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I’m in love with two women – but don’t see a future with either

READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Tom ends up sleeping with Miranda while Hazel is at home

Get in touch with Deidre today

Got a problem? Send an email to Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.



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