“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
-Famous last words of too many to count, and the words that inspired every story that follows.
“Snow Water Skiing”.
Me driving the snowmobile across a snowy field and my little brother skiing behind holding a tow-rope.
Two broken legs.
Me and my friend used to play a game where we threw a swiss army knife up in the air at night time and then ran away from it. With the knife part out.
Holding onto my friend’s car mirror while skateboarding on a newly paved parking lot.
Shooting each other with fire works on new years.
One landed directly in between my eyes, luckily, it didn’t go off and I wasn’t injured.
Playing “Sled Dog” with my newly rescued husky and a long board on the hilly streets near my house in college. Snapped my right forearm in half and had to walk a mile back home to get a ride to the hospital.
I ran across the street with my eyes closed. When I was 14.
I didn’t get hit by a car. However, I ran into a tree headfirst and cut my face and knee open.
For all of you asking what my thought process was, it is as follows:
Who am I kidding I have no idea what I was thinking
In high school, my friend discovered that he was particularly agile at running toward a wall and kicking off of it into a backflip. He would do this all day, every day, before school, at lunch, etc.
One day we were inside a classroom and the teacher had stepped out for a moment. Of course he took this opportunity to try his little trick. He didnt, however, take into account the fact that drywall might not support his weight as well as the brick and concrete walls he’d tried before.
His leg ended up busting straight through the wall to the other side, into a classroom full of students taking an exam. So I wasn’t actually in the class taking the exam, but to this day, I still imagine how strange and hilarious it would be to be sitting in that class then suddenly see a leg burst through the wall. Makes me smile just thinking about it.
Being roommates with someone I had a huge crush on. It didn’t end well.
On a rainy day, I saw a hitchhiker near the university asking for a ride.
He “looked the part” of a student. Although I never pick up hitchhikers, I felt sorry for him standing in the rain and gave him a lift – it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
He told me where he was headed, so I went out of my way to drive him there. The guy just kept staring at me and said very little. When we arrived at his destination, he wouldn’t get out of my car, no matter what.
Finally, when a police officer came along, I told him to hop out or I’d call the cop over for help. That ended it. (But if the officer hadn’t come by, I have no idea what might have happened.)
Going on a 4 day bender with no sleep. Ended up getting the shit kicked out of me and required 7 stitches in the back of my head, spending 2 months wages, losing my brand new £1000 phone and pissing off numerous ex girlfriends by declaring my love for them. Oh and I was hungover for about a week. Haven’t had a drink for 3 months now because of my stupidity!
Decided to get high and go to a yoga class because i thought i would get a better mind muscle connection. Turns out the class i decided to go to was being taught by a eastern European yoga psychopath and had me bending my body in ways i have never done before. Never again.
When I was a kid I tried to ride my bike up the trunk of a tree so I could kick off and try to land it and it’d be really cool.
Turns out a tree trunk is rounded and so you’ll just slip off the trunk and hit your head on the tree. My brother still gives me shit about trying to ride my bike up a tree.
So back in the day my brothers and I were shooting a bow and arrow behind our house.
We had a proper backstop and a nice target on a bale of hay. After about an hour we were getting bored and one of my brothers had a stroke of genius. Let fucking lite one on fire.
So there we are wiring rags to arrows and soaking them in gas and shooting stuff. Didn’t take long and half the yard was on fire. We’d shot pretty much every flammable thing we could burn in the yard.
Since we were running short on stuff to shoot my brother decided to launch one in a 45° arc over the woods behind the house. We all watched soar laughing and giggling.
When it hit the apex was when it dawned on us that this was in fact a really stupid fucking idea.
All 6 of us sprinted off into the woods in the direction it’d been shot. Wasn’t hard to find it’d lite an entire little meadow on fire. So we ran around stomping out fires for an hour. When we finally got the fire put out we were sitting by the crick and my oldest brother looks at us all and says,”Dad never hears a word about this.”
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