
…if anyone is curious, the company was Omega
drawing_a_blank1
Officers respond to alarm triggered by clerk. Officer: Got an alarm here what happened. Clerk: Tim and Tom came in and robbed the store. Officer: How do you know it was these guys? Clerk: They are 6′ 4″ twins who come in every day. I know their shape and voice.
The car 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency. Neighbor: Was watching TV and 2 guys park a car in front of my house. One guy got out with like a windex bottle and cleaned all the door handles and door areas. Then opened door and the other guy took the stuff and cleaned the inside areas. Then they ran off up the street. Dispatch: Can you describe the 2 individuals? Neighbor: Well it was Tim and Tom the twins that live up the street from me they’re like 6′ 4″ and they are twins.
Dignans30yearplan
Ismoketoomuchpothelp
pnwfarming
He turned it on and obviously didn’t know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.
They actually let him go too.
datacollect_ct
frick-you-fricker
He got away with it but I’m sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy’s liver finally gave out.
illy-chan
robtk12
She wasn’t charged.
sarawarawooo
He was never caught and went on to earn a bronze and silver star in the Korean War, but unfortunately lost his leg too.
leakinglego
[Editor’s Note: After bussing tables at a country club for a year, I totally understand this man.]
He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.
YOMAMAUGLY
amberraysofdawn
I4getstuff
Via Imgur
The farmer didn’t want to butcher it “because his kids were around.” Her older brother is an outdoorsman/hunter type, so he told her to bring it to his house and he would butcher it for her. They had car trouble on the way, pulled into a mechanic to have the car fixed, the mechanic opened the trunk, saw the goat, and called the police.
karmapolicemn
[Editor’s Note: Actual photo of the goat above, provided by the user. Also, here’s an article on the story.]
So, in Germany, up until a few years ago, we still had a general draft for the army. And a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it.
My uncle was a hardcore pacifist, so going to the army wasn’t an option for him. But being accepted as a conscientious objector at that time basically required you to be a devout Christian and use the bible as an argument for why you couldn’t kill another human. And my uncle was also atheist.
He couldn’t realistically object, didn’t want to go to the army and didn’t want to go to jail, too. So he waited…
He got sent his draft notice, passed the physical and got a letter telling him to report to X company under sergeant Y.
He wrote back a reply, on rose-colored paper, scented with perfume, about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of Y, promising to obey every one of his orders, and that he can’t wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men.
He was declared unfit for service shortly after.
IsstDoenerImFlixbus
jllauser
Like an actual train station.
…bonus crime: He broke into a local police station to steal his own (paper) criminal record. Didn’t destroy or steal any of the others. Just his own.
ReadingBadger
Via Imgur
My sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life, but at that moment she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow-up. She plopped it in the back and drove home. When I came to visit a couple weeks later she was freaking out about it. She asked me if I wanted it, just to get the evidence out of her house. That is the story of how I came to own a 2-story-high inflatable cow.
funky_grandma
[Editor’s Note: A photo of the inflatable cow, provided by the user.]
h/t Reddit
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