The main craziest crimes that family members especially committed (18 GIFs)

1

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My father committed one of the first computer crimes in the 90s. A ton of files were corrupted due to a code he created because they fired him. FBI invaded our home and arrested him. Was sent to federal prison for four years, which was interesting because there was never a crime committed of its nature before. They made a forensics file episode about it

*…if anyone is curious, the company was Omega*

drawing_a_blank1

2

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*Twin brothers boosted a car and rob the 711 like 1/2 mile from house. Ditched car 10 houses from theirs. How were they caught?*

Officers respond to alarm triggered by clerk. Officer: Got an alarm here what happened. Clerk: Tim and Tom came in and robbed the store. Officer: How do you know it was these guys? Clerk: They are 6′ 4″ twins who come in every day. I know their shape and voice.

The car 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency. Neighbor: Was watching TV and 2 guys park a car in front of my house. One guy got out with like a windex bottle and cleaned all the door handles and door areas. Then opened door and the other guy took the stuff and cleaned the inside areas. Then they ran off up the street. Dispatch: Can you describe the 2 individuals? Neighbor: Well it was Tim and Tom the twins that live up the street from me they’re like 6′ 4″ and they are twins.

Dignans30yearplan

3

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In college we got a new printer and printed off a bunch of fairly convincing $20 bills, roughed them up and used them at a bunch of fast food restaurants. Didn’t realize how dumb it was until years later.

Ismoketoomuchpothelp

4

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*My uncle sold Tim Allen the cocaine that got him sent to prison in the late 70’s.*

pnwfarming

5

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*My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it.*

*He turned it on and obviously didn’t know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.*

*They actually let him go too.*

datacollect_ct

6

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I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people. We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it’s about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.

frick-you-fricker

7

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This was a couple of generations back (early 20th century) but there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt. So, one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter Bunny outfit, put a bat in its giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it.

*He got away with it but I’m sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy’s liver finally gave out.*

illy-chan

8

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*My dad told me he once snuck into a tire warehouse, he cut the alarm and came in through a window on the roof, and stole a bunch of tires.*

robtk12

9

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Not sure if it should be considered a crime, but one of my great aunts was in an abusive marriage with a war vet who took to beating her and forcing her to play Russian roulette when he drank. One night she managed to rig the gun so when he took his turn he blew his brains out.

*She wasn’t charged.*

sarawarawooo

10

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*My dads side of the family grew up as New Hampshire hicks. My grandfather was stabbed in two different bar fights and burned down an entire country club because he thought they were too stuck up.*

*He was never caught and went on to earn a bronze and silver star in the Korean War, but unfortunately lost his leg too.*

leakinglego

[Editor’s Note: After bussing tables at a country club for a year, I totally understand this man.]

11

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I used to drive for my weed dealer. I was a new buyer but I never asked questions and was cool with him. His car broke down and asked if anyone could drive him. I said I would, and he liked that. I have my back windows tinted but not my front windows. I’d pick him up and we’d drive almost all day. It was pretty chill. He’s give me free weed and pay me $250 a day. I still worked my part time delivery job so I was very happy.

*He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.*

YOMAMAUGLY

12

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My mother-in-law and her ROTC friends once stole an actual tank from a military base way back in the 60s/70s. They were there on a field trip and they were finally stopped when they ran out of gas while driving it down the highway. According to my grandmother-in-law, she saw the whole thing going down on the news before she got the call and realized her kid was one of those joyriders. There’s a video of it floating around on the internet somewhere

amberraysofdawn

13

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My granddad accidentally shot his brother in the ass. He meant to shoot something out of his hand, but missed. Drunk, genius, hillbilly shit. Thankfully my dad married well, and I turned out all right.

I4getstuff

14

Via Imgur
My cousin was the Brett Favre goat lady. She had purchased goat meat from a farm. The farm was supposed to raise the goat, butcher it, and let her pick up the meat. When she arrived, the goat was still alive and had been painted with Vikings colors and Brett Favre’s jersery number.

The farmer didn’t want to butcher it “because his kids were around.” Her older brother is an outdoorsman/hunter type, so he told her to bring it to his house and he would butcher it for her. They had car trouble on the way, pulled into a mechanic to have the car fixed, the mechanic opened the trunk, saw the goat, and called the police.

karmapolicemn

[Editor’s Note: Actual photo of the goat above, provided by the user. Also, here’s an article on the story.]

15

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*It’s not a bad crime or anything, but it was illegal at the time.*

 *So, in Germany, up until a few years ago, we still had a general draft for the army. And a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it.*

My uncle was a hardcore pacifist, so going to the army wasn’t an option for him. But being accepted as a conscientious objector at that time basically required you to be a devout Christian and use the bible as an argument for why you couldn’t kill another human. And my uncle was also atheist.

*He couldn’t realistically object, didn’t want to go to the army and didn’t want to go to jail, too. So he waited…*

*He got sent his draft notice, passed the physical and got a letter telling him to report to X company under sergeant Y.*

He wrote back a reply, on rose-colored paper, scented with perfume, about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of Y, promising to obey every one of his orders, and that he can’t wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men.

*He was declared unfit for service shortly after.*

IsstDoenerImFlixbus

16

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Not really a “crime” as in not necessarily illegal, but my grandfather had two separate families in two different cities. Named both of his “first born” sons after himself, and they both named sons after themselves too (including me). So i share my name with my father and grandfather, as well as a half-uncle and at least one cousin.

jllauser

17

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*My great uncle stole a train station.*

*Like an actual train station.*

*…bonus crime: He broke into a local police station to steal his own (paper) criminal record. Didn’t destroy or steal any of the others. Just his own.*

ReadingBadger

18

Via Imgur
My sister-in-law worked on a ski hill. One week there was a promotion by a company where they would blow up big inflatables (like the big gorillas you see in car lots). She had seen them blow them up and deflate them for days, so she knew what the deflated ones looked like. One day she was leaving work and one of these deflated mascot thingies was right behind her car.

My sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life, but at that moment she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow-up. She plopped it in the back and drove home. When I came to visit a couple weeks later she was freaking out about it. She asked me if I wanted it, just to get the evidence out of her house. That is the story of how I came to own a 2-story-high inflatable cow.

funky_grandma

[Editor’s Note: A photo of the inflatable cow, provided by the user.]

h/t Reddit

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