Drug dealers have accepted some weird things as payment
Whether you have a dealer or the sum of your knowledge is what you’ve seen on Law and Order, you’re probably aware of just how sketchy and often times scandalous those interactions can be. From alley-way handjobs to McDonald’s Big Macs, the payment for drugs can vary even more than the drugs themselves. Recently someone started a thread on AskReddit querying drug dealers on the strangest things they ever accepted as payment. As you would expect, some of these are scandalous as fuck, but you might be shocked at how many of them are actually kind of wholesome.
As always, we at the Chive aren’t promoting drug use, just reporting on the ridiculousness here.
”My dealer would only give me the drugs if I gave him my blades and allowed him to check me for any cuts. I was in a seriously dark time and he helped me in a lot of ways. Eventually, once I started to get better, he refused to sell me any drugs and also made it clear to his friend dealers that I was blacklisted.”
”A Cat for 3 Xanax bars. The cat was covered in fleas and super young. I took the deal because I felt bad for the cat, and I wouldn’t trade this cat for a million dollars. We have had 4 amazing years together, he has pulled babes for me, he acts like a dog, sleeps in his back, and follows me around the house. Best deal ever, I love my kitty.”
”one dude tried to trade me two dead possums and a fishing pole for a sack, that was an interesting encounter.”
”for over a decade i had a “grass for grass” deal with my guy. i cut his grass once a week for a couple grams. he just really hated mowing the lawn.”
”Had a guy who would pay me in turtles. Like those miniature red slider turtles you get at fairs and carnivals.”
I dealt small amounts of various drugs in addition to tending bar while in college. One of the Mexican kitchen guys wanted a bunch of Ecstasy (~$350 USD) and I obtained it for him. When it came time to pay up he said he only had $100 but he’d get the rest to me in a week or so. I was having a Super Bowl party that I had invited everyone to and a few days later he asks if he could work off the balance by catering the event. I agreed and assumed he would flake, but homeboy showed up 30 min early with some of the most fire Tex Mex food imaginable. Trays upon trays of anything you could think of. It was unreal, and probably cost him more than he owed me. It was a big reason we served Tex Mex at my wedding, because I knew a guy who could throw down. His catering company did a great job that day, but he did an even better job as one of my groomsmen.”
”Some chemical engineering guy brought me a fucking vat of chili. Like it was at least ten gallons of chili. All he wanted was an eighth which was $35.
I gave him that and the chili was so good I tracked him down and gave him another.”
”Someone else’s stolen Christmas presents. We made him put them back.”
”I helped my weed guy graduate by doing his online English homework in exchange for weed. I was broke, and it was easy work, so I had no problem doing it.”
”A punch card to a local sandwhich shop that had 9 punches and just needed one more for a free sub.”
”A girl once offered to show me her boobs for 5 bucks off of her weed. I was 16, I said yes. Worth it.”
”I at one point during my time working with the state was informed that a client had offered her children to her cocaine dealer in exchange for more cocaine. Her cocaine dealer was aware she was seeing us for treatment, and proceeded to call us and report the situation. The children were removed from her care.”
”Not me, but a guy I got sober with. Traded a woman a whole bunch of pills for her kids’ social security numbers and info, claimed them as dependents on his taxes.”
”She was a landscaper in her better days, and once she ran out of money she started offering my friend plants. He rolled with it, and a few months later he had a beautiful garden in his Back yard. She even dug a pond and made a koi pond. Pretty good deal for both parties involved. And a win for us friends too because we got to chill and smoke and an awesome backyard.”
”I traded a PB&J for pot once. My dealer was hungry and I had a packed lunch.”
”My old dealer got his leaky roof fixed by a roofing crew he sold crack to.”
”once someone offered to trade a box of used children’s clothes, a laptop charger, and a single Nike shoe.”
”I traded a textbook from a class I took to my dealer for weed when I was in college. He was going to be taking the class the next semester so it was a win-win for both of us.”
”When I was in middle school, someone stole their grandpa’s WWII souvenirs to trade for pot. Friend of mine traded him $30 worth of weed for a 1941 Hitler Youth Dagger recovered from one of his Grandpa’s kills.”
”I’ve been offered blowjobs (by both sexes), every gift card you can imagine, an iguana, pizza, jimmy Johns, $100 bar tab, computers, and iPads. I guess it’s not THAT strange, but I feel like I should say I never accepted any sexual favors or iguanas.”
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