For some men, they know the second they meet a woman that she’s the one and everything from that day forward is just building to their future. For those of us that don’t live in movie-like fairy tale land, we stumble through some truly idiotic shit before we get to the point of proposing. Once we take the plunge, we cross our fingers and hope she either has a bad memory or a good sense of humor. These guys definitely did not take the Hollywood love story approach. From explosive farts to explosive gas to explosive drunken vomiting–there’s definitely a trend here–these guys were lucky enough to find women who accepted them faults and all. Now they’re sharing the dumbest shit they did along the way and we can all get a few laughs at their expense.
And yeah, these are kind of long, but worth the read while you on the crapper!
”Accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later. I dont smoke anymore.”
”Flicked a dime at her head. We were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar. I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married and have three kids.”
”For our second date I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home and as she pulled up to the curb I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling “I’M DISGUSTING” and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively. She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was okay.”
”I was sitting on the couch as we were playing Wii bowling. She was standing behind the couch, lovingly holding me. I draw back the Wii mote and WHAM! I wack her in the face with the Wii mote at full strength. Her mom was also in the room.”
”Insisted that everything in San Francisco was walking distance from everything else, and decided we should walk from Pier 39 to Golden Gate Park. It IS walkable, but not third-date walkable, or whatever-shoes-she-happened-to-be-wearing-that-day walkable.”
”My uncle didn’t call his now-wife for over a year after they first met and he got her number. He kept the paper she wrote it on and ended up finding it and calling her asking if she still remembered him and was still interested in going on a date.”
”On our first dinner date, my husband ordered a shit ton of food to show me his favorites at an Indian restaurant – and forgot his wallet at home, and only discovered doing so when the check had arrived.
Cleared me out well over a hundred bucks and he was absolutely mortified, but we’ve been married for near two years so…”
”She was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I kinda thought she was gonna sneeze on me and idk what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and instead she slammed her face into my glass.”
”The night I met my husband, he stared at me while I was sleeping. For 4 hours straight. It’s been 3 years. He still stares at me until I scold him for it. Then he waits until he thinks I won’t notice and starts staring again. I love him to the moon and back, even though he’d sure as hell stare at me the entire trip.”
”We drank a lot on our second date, Ubered home. Next day went back to get his car, and it wasn’t there. He was so devastated. He just bought it recently and it was stolen. We filed a police report. Took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend’s house nearby, and there was his car, perfectly un-stolen.”
”We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere he says, “I’m really sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore.” And rips a HUGE fart. My husband was a very clean, tight knit, prudish kind of guy, so I couldn’t help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard.”
”We had come back from class, her dorm was right next to the school so we walked over. Started as studying and then turned into kissing.
Once we were horizontal, I felt a shift in my guts. I took a chance; most of my gas that day had been dry and silent so it felt safe. As soon as I let it go, I knew I was in trouble.
As I stood up and she repulsively sniffed the air. She asked if I let one rip. I simply said I shit myself and needed a ride home. We went to the movies as planned afterwards.
Pretty sure thats when I fell in love.”
”We were taking a shower together and she was soaping up while I was under the hot water rinsing off and she slipped and instead of grabbing/helping her I pulled away, thinking for some reason that I’d already rinsed off and didn’t want to get soapy. Thank god she caught herself on the shower curtain and didn’t get hurt. She was, uh, not happy. My explanation of my faulty thinking didn’t help at all, either. We laugh about it now but it took some serious smoothing over at the time.”
”When I kneeled to propose I landed on a sharp rock and we had to go to the ER because it lodged in my kneecap.”
”When we were dating, my husband and I were holding hands when he had to cough. Instead of letting go of my hand and covering his mouth, he continued to hold on, brought it up to his mouth and coughed into my hand. It was a dry cough. If it was anything more I would have run.”
Good morning, wake up and be awesome. Keep dreaming. Don’t be afraid to love, it’s what we’re all here for.
Do what’s in your heart and you wont have nearly as many regrets. Things won’t always be fair but act like you are a
billion people and have faith that the good you do matters. Have the courage to disappoint people if it means being honest.
They value your honesty than your half-hearted approval. Every little light brightens up the world, and the only light you can
shine is your own. Shine bright, do right and love on and shine On. Have a great Tuesday
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