I don’t remember much about being a toddler (my earliest human memory is watching the second half of Spaceballs on TBS Superstation in a condo in the Cayman Islands, I had a weird childhood), but my parents have plenty of stories about weird embarrassing shit I said, and while I’m not going to embarrass myself here (I do that in my other posts anyway), I’ll let these parents share the moments their toddler made them want to cringe themselves out of existence.
During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my 3-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was the moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, “I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it!”
My daughter is 16 months. When she is done interacting with someone she will dismissively wave her hand and say “All done! Bye!” My wife doesn’t like it but I think it’s funny and a total power move.
Daughter was five (I’m dad) and she and I were in Kroger looking at greeting cards. She was proud of her reading ability, picking up cards at random and reading them. Suddenly she read, in a very clear, very loud voice, “Sex. Sex. Sex. Is that all you ever want from me?”
Not really embarrassing but my son once announced to daycare that I had died. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up.
Now my niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a fuck, loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3 year old and her mother said she’d work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.
In a public restroom, I had my toddler with me in the stall, where she loudly exclaimed, “Wow! That’s a really big poop! Good job, mommy!”
Edit: oh geez is my highest rated comment going to be about my big poop? 🤦🏻♀️
Daughter was practicing ballet. Me and my 4 year old son were in the room behind the glass which is full of families watching and waiting. I was showing my son youtube videos to keep him calm. He says “Why are we watching naked spiderman videos”?
My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help.
He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn’t going to pick them up but didn’t want him to touch them either). A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mom, “I’m finding cigarettes for mommy”.
My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from near by parents who heard this.
Me and my 3 y.o were at my moms house & to get her to leave I told her, cmon we have to go home and take a shower, to make her laugh I said we need a shower because our bums are stinky
Later when we got home in a full elevator, my daughter turns to me and says, ” Mom you need to shower because your bum is stinky”
I was mortified.
When he was being humped by a puppy, and me yelling at the puppy to stop. “DON’T YELL AT HIM! HE LOVES ME!”
I guess he’s not wrong…
After hearing the phrase in a movie, my little one yelled,”Put me down you idiot!” in church.
My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says “I want that fuckin’ truck…” in an angry tone
Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.
Not me but my midwife.
Pregnant with second child, three year old daughter asks why mummy’s belly is so big. She’s told there’s a baby in there.
She turns to daddy and asks “do you have a baby in there too?” Dad replies gently “No, I’m just fat!”
A few days later in the checkout line and there’s a very large lady behind them in the line.
The little girl asks the lady “Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy?”
The lady is kind and just says no she doesn’t, to which the girl responds “oh just fat then?”
My child isn’t old enough to talk yet but when I was little and we were on holiday my dad used to get me to say I was younger than I was so we could get into theme parks cheaper. When we were on our way back, the gentleman at passport control asked me how old I was and I turned to my dad and said “how old am I today daddy?”
My son was 2 and thought every black man was his dad. He was away for the military a while so when we were at Boston Market he called another random stranger “daddy!!” And ran to him and hugged him. Hahaha the guy actually picked him up and said “I’m not you’re dad but hey buddy!”
I was mortified but couldn’t stop laughing.
Turns to the lady behind us in line at the grocery store and says: “Lady, you’re fat and your dog is ugly.”
Four year old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn’t control himself we were going to leave. He escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. He was surprisingly putting up little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes he loudly says “Hey mister, put me down!” I didn’t hesitate, didn’t make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door.
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