I spent my 5th of July the way many of you did: glued to the couch while nursing a hangover, a sunburn, a regular burn from a stray bottle rocket, and bingeing Stranger Things 3. I absolutely loved it. The Duffer Bros have never missed with their sci-fi hit (except for that one episode in season two where Eleven finds her punk rock “Long Lost Sister” — a storyline they completely ignored in season three, thankfully) and this trip to Hawkins is no exception. Few shows can make you laugh, wince in revulsion, cry, and be genuinely frightened all while juggling three equally-entertaining plot lines that converge at the end for a bombastic final battle. But with the gamut of feelings Stranger Things 3 made us feel, there is one moment in particular that made us feel the most. If you’ve watched the whole thing, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, pull up Netflix and watch it before reading on.
MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD
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Did you watch it yet? Good.
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OK… the moment I’m speaking about, of course, is the death of my favorite character, Chief Jim Hopper. The man could pound a box of donuts and still whoop a highly-trained Russian agent out of sheer grit and scrap, then deliver a primo one-liner. He chain smoked cigs and hated the world, yet underneath it all, he had a heart of gold and a big ol’ soft spot. He boasted some fantastic wit and detective skill, too, as evidenced by him predicting that Alexei wouldn’t dare take their car and return to the Russians (loved, loved, loved that scene).
And who could forget his biggest moment of the series? The grandiose finale where he sacrifices himself to close the gate to the Upside Down. A hero’s death, certainly, but it didn’t have to be this way. I blame one individual in particular for the demise of Chief Hopper, and it isn’t the Russians or the Mindflayer.
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I blame Suzie. That’s right, Suzie. Dustin’s long distance girlfriend he met at summer camp is this season’s most unlikely villain.
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A quick refresher: Dustin calls Suzie to ask her the numbers of Planck’s Constant, a real-life scientific formula about photons or something and also the code to enter the control room so Hopper and Wynona Ryder can close the gate and finally have sex. But Suzie doesn’t just tell him. As punishment for Dustin neglecting to call her the past week, she makes him join her in singing a two-minute duet of The NeverEnding Story theme song, because everybody loves ’80s references.
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Scene from ‘The NeverEnding Story’
Many people are calling the moment between Suzie and Dustin the greatest of the season, if not the series. But was it a sweet morsel of nostalgia? Or the final nail in the coffin of one Chief Jim Hopper?
The second one. It’s the second one. I can explain.
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In the first episode, Suzie ignores Dustin’s call, causing all of his friends to mock him for having a made up girlfriend. Then, she has the nerve to get pissed at him for not calling for a week? Despite him explaining that he was busy saving the universe? Get outta here. Still, her demanding Dustin sing a duet in the midst of a life-or-death situation is forgivable — endearing, even — until you consider the two minutes they wasted were the difference between Hopper getting out of that room alive and getting zapped like a bug in a microwave. There’s no getting past it for me. If Suzie’s adorable sing-song had lasted only 30 seconds less, the Russians wouldn’t have arrived at the gate yet and Hopper would have been free to escape. His blood is on sweet little Suzie’s hands.
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Pictured: needy douchebag/hypocrite/murderer of Chief Hopper
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Nevertheless, I remain optimistic that Hopper is still alive and punching. There’s the post-credits scene where the Russian guards mention “the American” prisoner, though many people believe that to be Dr. Brenner (the mad scientist, played by Matthew Modine, who raised El in season one). And there’s always the possibility that Hopper was merely zapped into the Upside Down.
Even if neither of these wishes pan out, at least we can sleep soundly knowing Hopper will continue to live on…
