We asked Chivers over on @thechive Instagram to share their absolute worst “roommate from hell” horror stories. Turns out, pretty much everyone has encountered at least one horrible roommate in their lifetime, and here are some of the worst.
(Side-note: If you’ve never had a roommate from hell, you probably were the roommate from hell.)
I had a roommate in college who would sleepwalk. The upside was that he would clean in his sleep, the downside was waking up in the middle of the night with him staring at me for hours in his sleep right around the time Paranormal Activity came out.
I had a roommate that pissed in McDonald’s cups because she didn’t want to walk to the bathroom. I found out she did this when I went to check her room and accidentally knocked one over (after she’d been gone for 4 days in jail). There were at least 10 McDonald’s cups with golden yellow/brown piss just chilling in them.
In the US Coast Guard, I got an underage drinking masting and was restricted to an 87’ cutter for 30 days. Then, I was on watch and my roommate had some friends over and drank a bit. I came home to a random inspection happening and got popped for my 2nd masting and another 30-day isolation on that damn boat. Lucky to have stayed in and not gotten “less than honorable discharge” … so I still got that going for me.
He was a coke/crack head. The most memorable moment and the one that pissed me off the most was when he brought a prostitute to our apartment. I was like 8 weeks pregnant and wanted breakfast, when I went to make some, he told me I had to stay in my room for like an hour or two so he could TRY and get some.
My fucking parents!!! It’s been 6 months since they moved in with me and “they are still looking for a place”. FML… paybacks a bitch.
Came home to my doorknob broken off. There was a bunch of people watching porn with my college roommate – all sitting on my bed.
My roommate from hell decided that he could evict me, and changed the locks while I was at work. When I got home, there was an eviction notice that he’d written taped to the door. After calling the cops to confirm I had a right to do so, I kicked the door in, packed my stuff, vandalized the house and moved out, leaving him to face the landlord.
My roommate was at his girlfriend’s place who had a cat. He was asked to put the clothes from the washer into the dryer. Long story short, the cat jumped in the dryer with the wet clothes and he didn’t realize it as he started the dryer. The cat didn’t make it.
Had a roommate embezzle money at their job causing the police department to bust down the front door with a search warrant.
More creepy than hellish. Strangely obsessed and possessive with his girlfriend freshman year of college. Just went away for many years for……well, let’s just say he unexpectedly met Chris Hansen.
One of my roommates used to listen to porn over his surround sound while playing Tiger Woods golf.
Roommate started buying and shipping “things” from the dark web to our house. Long story short, the FBI raided our house a month later.
When I was in the Army I had a roommate who would get really drunk and go to the bathroom in different places, such as on the floor next to his bed. One night, he took a dump under the sink. I still don’t know how he backed his ass up under there.
My first roommate: I left on a 6-week work trip and left a check for my half of the rent. When I got back, there was an eviction notice on the door, the trash had not been emptied, and apparently he ran out of toilet paper so used paper towels, ran out of those and used coffee filters… so yeah, a heck of a guy.
When I first started college I shared a kitchen with four other people. One of them kept leaving a bucket by the kitchen radiator during the day and would bring it into his room at night. When we finally asked him why, it turned out that he didn’t like leaving his room to go to the bathroom at night so he would piss (and even crap) in the bucket, empty it out in the morning, and leave it by the *kitchen* radiator to dry! And here I thought that was just how four college guys’ kitchen smelled.
My roommate in college used to take the sliding closet door (which was a full-length mirror) off the tracks, lay it on the floor, and crush up roofies so he could snort them. For some reason, he always used my closet door, not his.
I was a DJ and got home late Saturday night. Enter into the kitchen where my roommate’s friend was completely naked standing on the kitchen table with my cowboy hat covering his junk. Then, I turn to the living room and my roommate is standing on the arm of the couch completely naked with my childhood stuffed animal covering his crotch.
THEN, I look down and noticed a 4-foot iguana crawling around. No words were said. I grabbed a beer and went to my room just full of questions but didn’t want the answers.
My college roommate sold drugs out of our apartment. One day I came home to find him in my bedroom with 3 random dudes and a scale on my dresser weighing out a shitload of weed. You couldn’t do this in your own room, bro?!
I came home from class one afternoon to find my college roommate’s girlfriend standing in her underwear in a small tub of water while he was shaving her legs for her.
In college, I had a roommate with severe untreated ADHD and insomnia. I woke up one morning to find him placing sandbags by my nightstand. When I asked what the heck he was doing, he replied “just setting up a gun range”.
He microwaved a whole frozen chicken, covered his windows in newspaper, and moved out on a Saturday morning with no notice and the Repo dudes showed up Sunday looking for his car. I never saw or heard from him again.
I had a college dorm roomie who had a big ol’ drinkin’ problem. One night she got so drunk, people had to carry her lifeless body to our room. They had plopped her on her bed and when I came back she had shit the bed in her sleep. After talking to her about it, I learned this was a common occurrence for her… happy freshman year!
Dude eats all my food, never cleans up, constantly borrows my things then brings them back covered in chocolate. Then, I find him in my bed with my girlfriend, the little prick doesn’t even apologize. He just smiles and says “hey dad want some Cheetos?”
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