Boxing. Two jacked-up dudes get into a square that’s for some reason called a ring — sometimes one of those dudes is The Italian Stallion and the other is a Russian named, say, Ivan Drago — and they beat the ever-fucking shit out of themselves while two little Irish guys hop around the ropes shrieking obscenities with white towels draped over their shoulders.
Sometimes, you wanna watch it, so you pirate the match on your laptop. Sometimes, you catch it at the bar. Sometimes, one of your work-buddies — you know, the one with A Well-Diagnosed Gambling Problem — tells you he’s thrown down his paycheck on The Big Fight, which is apparently coming up this weekend, and then invites you to his place to watch it with him and his weirdo friends.
To which you say,
Oh, no. I can’t. I have uh other plans.
Then he asks,
So who do you like? Meaning shit — now you gotta act like you know something more specific about boxing than what I described above. I put down $1,500, he says.
You tell him, Don’t you think ya should be spending that money on your kid? He’s like what 14? And he can’t even read…
And he’s like,
Why don’t you mind your business? It’s my money and Work-Buddy Jr. is just fine.
And so you’re like,
Well, anyway, I find boxing fun. I don’t bet on it, though.
And then your work-buddy, the one with A Well-Diagnosed Gambling Problem and a kid who can’t even make it past the fourth page of Hop on Pop, goes on to tell you who you should put your money on like he’s an expert.
Go with Ivan Drago, he says. The man is a machine! He was made in a laboratory — I mean that very literally!
You know as well as I do that if your work-buddy was the expert he’s acting like, he’d be rich and not stuck here on break eating an expired Bologna-Cheese-Oreo Lunchable.
So, of course you don’t put any money down on the fight because I mean look at this guy. He’s definitely got A Well-Diagnosed Gambling Problem and clearly you’re not the same kind of asshole to fall for it like him.
But, look, gambling has come a long way and now includes normal people. And this weekend there’s Wilder-Fury II, which is absolutely the best chance you’ll get to really enjoy boxing like it’s meant to be enjoyed — with a little skin in the game.
So, unlike your work-buddy, I’m 1) not going to tell you who to pick between Wilder (42-0-1, 41 KOs) and Fury (29-0-1, 20 KOs), two guys who honestly sound like shitty knockoff Marvel Universe villains and 2) only here to give you the info. (Though, my kid is 14-months-old and already knows 40 words so I don’t feel bad about spending some money.)
So let’s talk about this fight, shall we?
Lines currently sit at -110 odds for either dude to win. You don’t need to know the particulars, just that bookies think the fight is basically a coin-toss. I’d like to point out that A) a coin-toss is basically 50/50 odds, B) this is very rare at this stage of boxing, and C) 50/50 is the best odds you’re ever gonna see.
Second point: This is a re-match of Wilder and Fury I, which went 10 rounds and ended in a draw. For you dudes who have an extended lunch break, hurry up and finish your Lunchable, and watch these two duke it out the last time they got in the square-shaped ring: Watch it here. Your gut will tell you if this rematch is going to go another 10 rounds or not. (Another draw just isn’t in the cards, says Vegas, at +1800 odds).
“SPECIAL FOR OUR NEW JERSEY FRIENDS” (Sorry, everybody else! Most other states kinda suck about this): If you don’t see another draw in the future for these dudes (and who would blame you), the Action Network is running a special “Bet $1, Win $100 promo” right here. The details are there. (Do it for the poor dudes who suffer from terrible state legislatures.)
If you prefer brute strength: You’re gonna wanna root for (and also bet on) Wilder. Out of his 42 wins, a PREPONDERANCE OF THEM (41) has been by KO. Not so much of a “fan of the dance,” Wilder is +125 to win by TKO/KO/Technical Decision/DQ, but (not surprisingly) +800 to beat Fury by points.
If you’re a fan of technique: Fury is largely considered a better technical boxer. He’s at +162 to win by points and +500 to win by TKO/KO/Technical Decision/DQ. Basically, he’s a boxing tradesman. He’s like if Norm Abram of This Old House was a I’ll-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands-type monster.
Bet $1, Win $100 promo right here.
If you’ve got big nuts or, if you really have a good feeling about Wilder, consider that he is currently at long odds (+3300) to beat Fury in the first round and also at a super +6000 to win the fight within the first 60 seconds (a round is 3 minutes long).
So yeah, just like when we told you don’t bet on the movie 1917 because it wasn’t going to win Best Picture at the Oscars, we’ll tell you this: It’s probably not a great idea to bet on that last one.
Now, off to teach my kid how to say “Rocky Balboa Was the Greatest Boxer To Ever Live.” She already knows most of those words.
Good luck — and happy betting.
PLACE YA BETS right here.
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