“Fuckin whip cream gentleman. It always looked like a great idea though it is just makes you sticky and not favorable sweaty sex sticky horrible sugar consumption sticky. Plus you get sick of so very sugar fast, ‘babe I’m kind of full I’ll lick your got out of titty later’”
“My girlfriend wanted to try roleplay and tried to do the whole bad secretary is there any way I can keep my job scenario. So she started off with “I’m sorry I was late to work” and me being the idiot that I am responded with “that sucks” she then proceeded to laugh hysterically at me for the next 10 mins”
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“Hot wax. Just don’t do it. That burns. Immediately jumped up and screamed.”
“I thought it was gonna be awesome having sex on ecstasy but she and I just ended up lying on our backs naked on the carpet playing with ourselves for like a couple hours. I tried penetration and ate her out some but it was so overwhelming I couldn’t really concentrate. So we just laid there naked playing with ourselves having some weird ass conversations. It was still pretty cool though.”
Don’t finish too early and ruin the fun
Delay Spray takes your bedroom performance up a notch and lets you easily last longer during sex:
– Let’s you perform at 164%
– Partner experiences orgasms 50% more frequently
– Little to no transfer to her when used as directed
– Clinically proven, first-line treatment for over 2000 urologists
– Ships free in discreet packaging
No more embarrassing quickies and they’ll be left completely satisfied. Promescent’s so sure of it, they offer a 60-day money back guarantee (no returns necessary). Get yours HERE. Use code CHIVE for 15% OFF at checkout!
“Bondage. I asked my partner at the time if he’d be willing to try it on V-day. Neither of us ever had before, so he tied me up. A few minutes into the experience, I looked up at him and said, ‘Is this working for you?’ He said ‘Not really.’ I said ‘Me either. Untie me.’”
“Valentine’s night was our first time trying 69ing with my ex. She farted. I know there was no shit but nothing can prepare you for a bare-assed fart in the face.”
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“We wanted to try anal. But we were young and dumb and instead of using lube we had more spontaneous anal (without her prepping herself with an enema beforehand) and we used this watermelon scented lotion she had as lube.
We did it once and my dick ended up smelling like fake watermelon scent and ass. Anal ruined. Haven’t eaten watermelon since.”
“Went on a weekend beach getaway for V-day, and of course wanted to have sex in the ocean…. Let’s just say saltwater dries everything up and you’re getting hit in the face with waves every few seconds.”
Lubes are a must-have for Valentine’s Day
If you have never used a
lubricant during sex, you’re most likely missing out on better intimacy! You can start with the basics – an aloe organic or water-based lubricant. She’ll thank you, you’ll thank yourself, and intimacy will never be the same again without a lubricant. Promescent carries 3 different premium lubricants:
– Water-based for beginners, $8.99
– Fan favorite, aloe organic-based, $9.49
– Silicone-based for the shower, jacuzzi, or anal, $13.99
It’s one of the most simple things you can do and use to enhance pleasure between the two of you, and if you’re not getting any this V-day, jacking it with lube is one heck of a game-changer. Get yours HERE. Use code CHIVE for 15% OFF at checkout!
“We bought glow in the dark condoms for the occasion. It’s impossible to not pretend it’s a lightsaber.”
“Choking. I like things rough, but I also really like breathing. It was consensual, but I was very close to panic attack mode when I couldn’t speak to tell him to stop, and he thought I meant to choke me harder when I was trying to move his hand. He apologized profusely for not realizing it but it was just a mistake, and now we know I don’t like that.”
Freshen up before, clean up after
100% of women agree that giving head when you’re smelly down there sucks (no pun intended). Promescent
Before and After Wipes is an easy way to get fresh if you’ve been at work all day sweating away.
– Individual packets let you always take wipes anywhere you go
– Contain soothing aloe, are pH balanced, gentle, and hypoallergenic
– Flushable for easy disposal
Be kind this Valentine’s Day, don’t smell like stinky cheese. Get yours HERE. Use code CHIVE for 15% OFF at checkout!
“Very romantic jacuzzi tub setting with music and candles. She’s sitting on top facing the same way as me. Leans back to kiss me, and her hair catches fire from the candles behind us. Luckily it was put out quickly but the smell and cleanup was the worst.”
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