You know, beyond truly awful hand-eye coordination, my body is… Okay. Definitely room for improvement, but at this exact moment, I can live with it. But I think most of the people in these stories are going to have a grudge with their bodies for a long time, because there’s nothing quite like being betrayed by yourself. Kind of.
And look, a word of warning:
If you clicked on this, you probably already know that this is going to be gross. But I’m here to actually warn you that some of these are GROSS AS FUCK.
With that in mind, let’s continue.
I stood up from sitting at work and screamed in pain because I got a cramp behind my nutsack? I don’t know how to explain it but that’s where I felt the pain lmao my coworkers were dying of laughter when I explained what my scream was
That time when i actually took an involuntary shit during sex.
My husband was pissing me off the other day and I tried to fart on him and shit myself.
Wow. My first silver and gold, all because I shit myself!
I was sitting on the floor in my cheap wooden condo and let out a huge fart. Dog in the condo below me started barking and I could hear the cute girl who lived there and her visiting parents laughing.
2 hours train ride. I felt the air coming slowly but I held it back until the end.Finally, the next stop was mine, so I stood up and walked to the door, still holding back that, now massive, amount of air in my colon.Just when the doors were about to open, some child stumbled into me from behind. It surprised me so much that I, just for a moment, didn’t hold in.The result was the loudest, most disgusting fart you could ever imagine.
I never left the train station faster in my entire life.
Edit: Thanks for the silver medals, dear strangers 🙂 I never thought my highest upvoted comment would be something that embarassing lol
One time I was really sick so I went to throw up in the toilet and as I started throwing up I simultaneously started shitting myself as well. Once you start throwing up you can’t exactly stop until you’re done, so I just kept throwing up while shitting for the smelliest, most uncomfortable five minutes or so of my life.
Ever since I stopped being able to throw up like a normal person, I’m always scared I’ll shit myself so I sit on the toilet bending over a bucket, even though it’s harder to throw up that way.
Well I hope you guys enjoyed this trip down memory lane as much as I did.
When I inadvertently spit on the monitor when I’m explaining something to someone
At the water park when my period decided to make its appearance. Didn’t realize until I stepped out of a wave pool and heard a little kid scream “Mommy, there’s red stuff in the water!” Looked back to see a very obvious blood trail leading directly to me. Immediately hot footed it to the showers, where I found a huge stain on my cover up.
Thirty minutes later I casually walked out of the showers fully dressed, my swimsuit and coverup washed out and stuffed in my towel. The wave pool had been shut down, the lifeguards shocking the water to get rid of the blood. A mass of children lingered near the edge, many complaining loudly. My mom cocked an eyebrow at me as I shuffled back to our chairs, but said nothing. I have since gotten better at managing my cycle.
Dislocated hip while having sex, twice.
Brain: Let’s have a seizure.
Bladder: Awesome. This is as good a time as any to piss yourself in front of everyone.
Farted the most rancid fart of death in 6th grade.
The teacher somehow knew it was me and kicked me out of class- told me to go to the nurse and have someone pick me up because she was convinced I had to be sick to produce such a toxic stench.
I thought it was cool I got to get out of school though and my dad thought it was hilarious.
Just look at my fucking username!
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