Every year, I have the pleasure of killing all the editors at theCHIVE. I consider one of the great perks of the job. If you haven’t seen Part I by Bob Phillipp, enjoy this bloodbath.
Today I’ll be taking over and lemme’ tell you, Bobby doesn’t stand a chance.
Today we are releasing the rest of our annual Halloween designs. Each year it’s crazy to see which designs you like best. Our designers work their asses off but I can give you top designs
#1, #2, and #3 as they will all be gone shortly.
Where did we leave off? Oh yes! Graysen and Elizabeth were about to have a deadly sword fight in the castle of doom!
I know, I know, this is less than ideal for Graysen and Elizabeth. They are fan favorites but they’re dead now and we all need to move on together.
Before we get to the witches, I Smell Children is available now. Easily our top seller, presumably because all you moms and dads out there want to scare the everliving shit out of your kids. I can get behind that.
It’s a CELEBRATION, BITCHES!
Awe man that’s just so rude and uncalled for. I hope they keep going.
Sorry, Ben. If it makes you feel any better, Bob’s day is actually about get worse….
Keli Rockett and her deadly Instagram.
I shouldn’t be in this shot, it’s childish. But fuck you, Bob!
The Goonies Never Say Die! This Halloween gem is available right here!
Jacob and Brady, the younglings….
This one hurts me… in my funny bone! What a way to spend eternity.
Probably the best take on MJ’s Air Jordan pose ever crafted. Truly one of the best original designs we’ve ever conjured available right here!
I’m getting out of this dump, kids. As always, I will escape the wrath of whatever witch, ghoul, or goblin comes for this guy. I own the joint and these are the benefits.
Ok, not funny, guys. Put me down, please.
WHAT THE FUCK?! Who brought aliens into this? This bullshit was not in the script. I literally have the script right here because I wrote it:
Evening EXT: John, looking devilishly handsome, exits the castle unscathed. All his editors are dead, especially Bob. He goes to his favorite dive bar for a cold beer and laugh with all his real best friends.
Keli’s been abducted by aliens too?? This can’t be good for her self-esteem. I don’t really know what to say about this situation. It’s fucking dark in here and the air tastes like pennies.
Stay tuned to theCHIVE and
my Instagram as this situation promises to get a lot worse before it gets better.
Oh one more thing – If I never come back
I don’t want Bob to replace me. Yes, I know he’s dead but give the big job to Jen Holub or somebody taller than 5’7″, anybody, I don’t care.
Halloween Collection and, one last thing, please get me out of here!
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