Gather ’round fellas…
Ladies have shared the absolute worst mistakes we make during sex.
Time to take some notes.
Orgasm is not the goal. I want to play and have fun. It’s probably not going to happen with you the first time or the first few times and I won’t be disappointed if I don’t.
The number of men who think good sex is them pumping away, without any kind of foreplay involved, then are surprised when we tell them we didn’t have an orgasm is troubling.
Or the “foreplay” involves jabbing at our nether regions with their fingers like they’re trying to stuff something back inside of a box.
Insisting on doing something I already said I don’t like, thinking that if you do it I’ll suddenly enjoy it.
Example: I don’t enjoy receiving oral sex. I don’t have hangups about it, I don’t have body shame about my vulva, there’s no magic technique you have that will make me enjoy it, it just does nothing for me.
If you particularly like performing it and it turns you on, I’m happy to oblige, but it’s not turning me on, and it will not make me cum.
1) Neglecting the cleaning and combing of the snake’s habitat.
2) Neglecting to trim fingernails.
3) Thinking you can lick sensitive bits with toothpaste mouth.
When they get whiny and sulky about condom use.
Ohh, you don’t like condoms? Guess what, you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. Nobody likes them.
If you genuinely can’t get it up with a condom, and you’ve actually tried to solve that problem (trying different types, masturbating with one occasionally to get your penis used to the feeling, etc), then focus on other activities to convince me that you’re a conscientious and caring sexual partner.
Stop trying to talk me into having penetrative sex without one. I’m insisting for a reason, even though I don’t like the feeling of them either.
When they think they’re fingering you but they’re actually going ham on the crease between your labia & your thigh. It’s insane how often this happens. Just a little bit to the right, good sir, get your shit together.
Being upset or sulking if they can’t get me off. Sometimes I ask to use a toy for a bit, or to just stop because it’s not in the cards today and now it just feels uncomfortable.
Sometimes guys get insecure because “what, my cock isn’t good enough for you?” As if their size is the problem or they’re not good at sex. No, the female orgasm is just a finicky thing for many women.
Many cannot get off with a partner. And just because nothing can be quite as efficient as a strong steady vibe doesn’t mean we don’t want real sex.
Silence. This is not the occasion for a stoic demeanor. Let me know you’re enjoying yourself for chrissakes.
Confusing porn with actual sex. Just… ugh. This has ruined many men. It’s not a performance or a fantasy to be played out every damn time.
Edit: I didn’t mean to be confusing.
1) Stoic silence is a bummer in the bedroom
2) Unrealistic porno acting is also a bummer
Men, please, just be genuine. You don’t have to be the strong silent type, and you don’t have to perform gymnastics while sporting a seven-incher.
Switching positions a lot. I don’t want to feel like a chicken getting grilled. One or two positions are perfect for me. No, it does not get boring.
When I tell them to keep going and I like it and they start to speed up or change their tempo. I liked it the way it was before.
When I say “don’t stop”, it means to keep doing exactly what you’re doing, same speed, same angle, the same force, etc. NOT faster or harder because if you scare off that orgasm I’m working on I will throw your ass through the fucking wall.
Not be willing to laugh about things that go wrong, and ripping off of clothes too fast.
The best sex I ever had was with the first guy I ever loved. We honestly made out for an hour and a half before clothes even started to come off.
It was messy as hell (arms getting caught, hair in mouths, colliding with furniture, etc.) because we were both inexperienced, but we were comfortable enough with each other that we were able to laugh at each incident as it came up and it was still hot as hell.
A little murmur of “you’re so beautiful”, or even just “oh God” REALLY gets women going. You don’t have to be a God. Just make sure you touch her, everywhere, and listen to her.
Some guys think it’s impressive if they can last a while. Which isn’t bad but know that getting jackhammered for an hour isn’t pleasant for most women.
Going too fast through it all and acting like they are working from a script, trying to be some sort of ideal that a homogenous woman in his head would like.
Everyone knows that “each person is different,” and whatever. But being intellectually aware of it too rarely translates to actions. Just take it slow, try different things and don’t just dive into it so it feels awkward to tell you to stop.
You don’t need to have a big conversation or have her do a full instructional demo. Just ask along the way, “how is that?” “Faster? Slower?” Take her hands and show her what you like. You can put your hand in hers in a playful way and she can do the same.
And you don’t have to go into it with full-on fucking as the goal. Sometimes just giving a woman a really nice, naked full-body rub (with back-scratching if she likes that, this is overlooked often but a lot of people like this as much as a back rub) will drive her bananas.
Lack of communication. You could avoid all the mistakes listed here and be doing it completely wrong for your partner. Not all women want the same thing.
Talk to your partner.
Be honest with yourself as to what you like and need.
I was with a guy who NEEDED to finish by hand, but desperately didn’t want it to be that way. He would just keep going until it started to hurt me, and then feel ashamed. I have no problem you taking matters into your own hands while I help in other ways!
Also, some women need to take matters into their own hands, and that’s not saying you’re a failure!
1) Not communicating.
2) Not paying attention to nonverbal cues.
3) Just diving right in and not doing sufficient foreplay.
5) Taking advice from porn, not realizing that porn is a fantasy; it’s not real.
6) Dirty talk that his partner just isn’t into.
7) Making the assumption that what works for the last partner he was with is going to work for the one he’s with now.
9) Springing kinks and fetishes on his partner out of the blue, without discussing it first.
10) Feeling entitled to sex, or to a certain kind of partner, or to a relationship.
11) Not taking a minute to wash up first.
12) Treating it as something he “does to” someone else, or that someone else “does to” him, instead of an experience he’s sharing in equally with another human being.
13) Being selfish, demanding from his partner what he’s not willing to give.
Over-analyze it. Dude, it’s not always going to be seeing stars and shit. Sometimes, it’s a 10-minute stress releaser and that’s fine.
Unless you know she’s into it, slobbery wet kissing. Being drooled on like a dog is a huge turnoff. Again, unless she’s into it.
1) Go for the butt without previous discussion
2) Do anything kinky without previous discussion
3) Hit the cervix (big peens aren’t always best peens)
4) Go straight for the penetration
5) Stopping the kissies
6) Try to go from butt to pleasure garden. The garden has a delicate ecosystem. Do not disrupt.
7) Asking if they came
8) Getting pissed that they did not
9) Expecting it to happen every time
10) Not helping it happen without the use of their peen
This list was sponsored by a decade of substandard partners.
Note: not all partners were substandard. Some were good, and some were very good, some even best boys, but these were major mistakes made by past partners within said decade.
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